Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in: Monday October 1st

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@kate

Hi. I might try to answer the questions later. I'm at work and have been in a meeting in my bosses office for 3 hrs. We are taking a short break and then back to the meeting. It is very uncomfortable being so close to other people and it's lasting forever. I'm complaining so I'll stop now.

@kate

Hi. Its easy for me to pinpoint what bullying is/was as a kid. I got bullied a lot. At school and at home. I think the older i get, the harder it is for me to call it bullying. As if adults cant be bullied? I know they can, its just harder to figure out what that line is i guess. I think it is possible to stop bullying, maybe not forever or everywhere at once, but its possible to stop it case by case. Sometimes its stepping up and helping someone find their voice. Sometimes its speaking up for someone else or yourself. Bullies thrive off of power and attention, and when you take that away, they tend to stop. But as long as they see the person as a victim, they will continue to prey on them. I work with school aged kids now, and I always say something when I see them being bullies. Because I know how it feels to be that other kid.

Hey :)

- What does it mean to be bullied?

So I wasn't really sure what bullying meant, I guess I knew what it was, but for a definintion no, so I looked it up: "use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force them to do something.". It was more vauge than I was expecting. I think of bullying as something that happened in school, but my that definition I have been bullied in school, at home and at work.

- If you have comfortable sharing, have you ever experienced bullying? If so, in what ways?

In school I was bullied alot. People used to call me Michael Jackson and asked if I liked touching other kids, I was like 10 so that was pretty upsetting at the time. I've had naked pictures of me texted around school, people putting their hands up my skirt, a girl who used to ignore me for months at a time, even though she was friends with all my other friends. One girl in primary who used to threaten her dad would shoot me with his gun if I didn't do what she wanted. Thats just off the top of my head.

I was bullied at home by my parents, to be honest... they kinda still do it now. And at works a whole other story. So yer, I am familliar ;) lol.

- What are some steps we can do this month (and every other month) to prevent bullying from happening here on 7 Cups and in our daily lives?

Report people who you see bullying other people, dont let it go as acceptable, and never join in. Simple things like siding with the person whos being bullied can stop the drama. You don't need to get fully dragged in, just make sure the person feeling bullied doesn't feel alone remind them that they are worth fighting for :). I think 7cups should have a better vetting process for listeners as well, but thats different again.

- What does it mean to be bullied? To purposely made feel injured or uncomfortable about yourself

- If you have comfortable sharing, have you ever experienced bullying? If so, in what ways? Yes I was told I write too much, I was fat and ugly. People can be mean. Weight is something I struggle with, and I am a writer, writing is what I do.

- What are some steps we can do this month (and every other month) to prevent bullying from happening here on 7 Cups and in our daily lives? Encourage each other, give positive words and help each other , communicate including listening clearly

I was bullied throughout most of my school life for being too quiet. Guess Ive never really used my voice. That was the start of me retreating into my shell, keeping everything to myself. Easier to keep secrets than to tell. Has left me with such a low opinion of myself and it doesnt matter how hard I try I cant change those thoughts. I hate the person I have become.

Just need a little extra support right now. Dealing with my daughter can be challenging at times. I never had a "real" childhood so I don't understand some of the things she goes through. Sometimes it just gets to be too much for me. I just want to go hide now instead of dealing with it. I know that is probably not the right thing to do. Thanks for listening.

I used to get bullied a lot because I wasnt cabable of doing like gymnastics or not being able to get a boyfriend and stuff like that ...

This one day I had been teased by a bunch of kids who were taking my stuff and throwing it on the ground . But soon after this happened a bunch of popular girls came up to me and said you are so pretty , you should start hanging out with us and stuff

Not knowing what to do I agreed . The next day they joined me for lunch and said did you see that girl over there she is so ugly like honestly ... and started going on ... I turned around and it was my best and only friend! I felt ashamed of my self what was I becoming .

After that I never talked to them again ❤️💗💗💓

@Kate

there are a lot of really awesome answers on here, I was thinking about what I could add to the conversation...

Perhaps regarding stopping bullying these things might help:

- choose not to be offended, it's easy to respond to things in unhelpful ways if we are hurt and take things personally. Taking time to process before responding definately helps. I'm thinking of the scernario that we might engage in defensive behaviours that might make the other party feel justified even though it is not our intention or that we engage in bullying behaviour in return out of hurt.

- educate people about what bullying behaviours look like and how to deal with bullying situations.

- avoid esculation of bullying situations, it can be tricky to get the balance right, using the assertive communication skills we talked about in a previous checkin is super helpful. If the issue is about the behaviour rather than the individual then it's easier to state your boundaries and that the behaviour is not ok. After that I personally try not to reengage again on the same issue as it just tends to circle unless there is new things to consider in the scenario.

- avoid labling someone as good or bad, safe or unsafe universally. What I mean by that is, they might do something to you like put you down or call you names which is bullying. They might behave differently with others so I find labling a behviour as bullying rather than a person as a bully is helpful. It is also more likely that the person can accept they need to change a behaviour rather than saying everything about them is not ok. I guess I'm saying don't generalise someones whole personality based on a specific behaviour. But if they don't respect your boundaries and stop the behaviour then it maybe the case that they are an unsafe person for you to be around. You may also have relationships with other people who get on well with them and it should be ok for us all to have relationships with the people we choose without feeling the need to take sides.

For me bullying and conflict resolution cross over a lot so I think that's were I'm coming from but it would be helpful to know what others think.

I don't mean to break the topic, but because this is the Traumatic Experience section, shouldn't there be some more about the traumatic shooting that happened a year ago on October 1 in Vegas?

Many are still affected today; people lost close ones that day. People were running from bullets that day.

For such a popular city, there really should be more mentioning.