Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in: Saturday, 22nd of June, 2019
I am really happy to hear from all of you again. I have really missed you all. 
How are you feeling? :)
How was this week been for you? Is there anything you would like to share about it? :)
So, we will have an >Art Festival< going on very soon. Pretty exciting ^-^
I mean, I love art. It just has something to it, something that helps so express really abstract thoughts, feelings and just concepts and just resonate with me.
I still remember one movie, an anime movie, Anthem of the Heart. It is about a little girl with a colorful imagination who one day ends up revealing her father's secret to her mother by accident leading to the end of their marriage. At that day she "gets cursed" and she cannot talk or she experiences a strong feeling of anxiety.
I mean, she gets cursed by an egg, but that is besides the point. The thing is, I have watched that movie, I have watched her struggle, find her way around it, trying to "live with it" and then through the movie slowly and starting to overcome it, with the help of others. That is really just a movie that sticks with me to this day.
I mean, it is just interesting how you can see her struggle through her colorful imagination living as the cursed princess of her own fairy tale and overcoming the curse, the obstacles with some pretty good moral to the story. That story just left me thinking about a lot of things for a lot of time.
Enough ranting from me though, but that was, to this day something that is really dear to me and something I would not have had without that movie, that piece of art. It had hit me hard but helped me understand myself, my struggles a bit better and grow through it.
Have you had any experience like this with any piece of art? Any movie that resonates with you, any songs, painting - anything really?
Of course, as always, all of the questions are optional and there is absolutely no pressure on you to answer any of them. If you would just like to say hi, sit with us or you would just like to get a hug we would be just glad to have you here with us anytime. :)
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@redmark
Hi...
How are you feeling? :)
Im not okay, not at all. I posted my story on here and ever since then Ive been having horrible panic attacks and so.. so many flashbacks. I- I just dont know if Im meant to be here and share my story anymore..
How was this week been for you? Is there anything you would like to share about it? :)
I havent cut myself too many times... I guess thats good, but I also havent slept in- a few days.
Have you had any experience like this with any piece of art? Any movie that resonates with you, any songs, painting - anything really?
I have, theres this one song, that just- its literally me in a song. Its comforting and destructive, I think of it when Im in a good mood and I think ,The song is right its not my fault, I deserve to heal but when Im in a negative very self destructive mood my thoughts are more negative, You are ashamed and you deserve it, you deserve everything. So yeah...
Hey there @plumApricot8108 *offering safe hugs*
We are really glad to have you hear with us!
Opening up and is really scary and hard. To share your story you have to relieve so many things and it can bring up so many feelings, doubts, fears... all that. I know that it is though but I think you deserve to be heard and you are not alone in this. We are here for you at least to help you as best as we may be able. One step at a time, no matter how small it may be, you can get through this, I do believe in that and I definitely believe in you.
For now tho, just take your time. I am already really proud of you for being so strong and brave and being here with us right now. I do hope that you will be able to catch some sleep soon as well tho :)
Also, if it is having such strong effects on your life and well-being it may be worth to consider professional help to help you process and deal with all those painful memories - no pressure of course, just if and when you may feel ready for that. :)
Music can certainly be an amazing way to express feelings. I know I have some songs as well that can sort of speak to me and really resonate with me. If I may add tho, I would say that I do agree with that positive interpretation of the song, it was definitely not your fault and you do deserve to heal - and deserve to be heard, loved, and supported. :)
Stay strong and awesome!
Hi Red.
Thanks for your kind and encouraging words as always.
I am feeling sad today. Something from the recent past reminds me of the long-ago past. Im not ready to talk about it yet, I dont think, as its just kind of starting to process in my mind. Although I wish I could because I just want to get it out and get over it with and feel better. But I guess thats not the way it always goes. Anyway, Im doing OK but I feel sad forlorn and a little bit alone. Even though I have lot of good friends. But life has been stressful lately. People have been hurting me unintentionally but it still hurts nonetheless sometimes. But overall, I am getting much better and stronger than I was before. I just dont know if some of the people in my life will be able to or will choose to see that. I guess only time will tell. Anyway, Im OK but I am sad I do feel a little bit alone today. But as a whole things are getting better.
@pioneeringBanana1598
Slight addendum. I would have done anything to make the pain stop, to make the hurting go away, when it was happening. I dont feel proud of some of the things I did, or I may have done because my Memories are fuzzy, at least thats the way Ive always felt in the past. I think. But I was just a little kid. I have no idea whats going on around me or what was happening to me. I guess your brain just snapped into survival mode and you do whatever you feel you have to to survive the next five minutes. Or the next minute. I guess theres nothing to feel ashamed of. Its one thing to say that, another thing to actually believe it or own it. But Id like to.
Sometimes it feels like I gave up everything for that person. Everything. I dont even know what I mean by that, I just know that my brain tells me its very true. And still it wasnt enough for them. Not good enough or whatever. Still, it was never enough to make them stop hurting me. I always thought it was my fault. If I had tried a little harder done a little better done a little bit more. But I guess that person was making a choice to hurt me, probably regardless of what I did or did not do. Logically that makes sense but again its a whole different story when I try to process that emotionally. I dont know. It can be really confusing sometimes.
Hey there @pioneeringBanana1598 *offering safe hugs*
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am glad to hear that my posts and words might be helping, thank you! :)
It can certainly hard when you experience triggers like that. Triggers can also be unpredictable at times and I know that sometimes some people may unintentionally hurt us and trigger us. I can imagine that it has to be really hard tho. I know that noone may exactly understand what you have been through and how it has felt for you. I know that it can feel extremely isolating but I also know that there are people out there who are willing to try. They may not get it right all the time and you may need to explain to them time to time how they may have been hurting you but they are willing to listen and learn. Willing to stick with you and support you as best as they can. I know it is hard tho, every single step and explaining things to others especially can be hard but you can take your time, you can take all the time you need. Just take it one step at a time and whenever you feel ready share it, whatever is on your mind, with anyone you may be trusting and do not worry about anything else :)
I think you are very brave you know. And strong, of course. I have said it already many times but I do still get amazed of it either way. I know you have been through just so much. I do not know the right answers there but it is sure true that your brain can turn into a sort of autopilot for just survival and it is sometimes the best you can do. Not that it is fair, not at all, but I do think as well that your reaction is understandable, especially at that age and definitely nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, as I have said, I think your strength and bravery is inspirational more than anything and you are such an amazing person and I am definitely glad to know you :)
Whatever happened to you was deinitely not your fault either. Whoever has done it...it is their fault, it tells a lot a about them but definitely not about you. I know it can be hard to really believe and own that thought but I think it is really important that you are trying and seeing it - even if not feeling like that yet - that it was really not your fault and it was not something that you should have prevented in any shape or form.
Of course, I know that this takes a whole lot of time and it is okay to take your time. You are not alone in this here and you are already making such amazing steps. I know that you can get through this, I believe in you. :)
Stay strong and awesome!
How are you feeling? :) I'm very sore and lightheaded: I'm female problems.
How was this week been for you? I was pretty meh but I did finidh writing a chapter.
Is there anything you would like to share about it? :) I also got an appointment with a new therapist. I want to be hopeful for her.
Hey there @Rebekahwriter13 *offering safe hugs*
We are really glad to have you here with us!
Oww, I am sorry to hear about those female problems - I do hope that you will get better soon!
Writing always sounds really exciting for me. I mean, I don't know sometimes I do "write" some as well - although not at all at a professional level more of a hobby so I always just found it really awesome when somebody is really good at that ^-^
Also, that appointment sounds really that sort of anxious-exciting. I do hope that it will go well :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark Thank you for your reply.
Hi! My day/week has be interesting, to say the least. The abuse has gotten worse, meaning my prediction was correct. My dang DVD player ate my pokemon movie (and yes I like Pokemon, so sue me), lol. Took 6 hours to get it to spit it out. I had to Jerry Rig the coffee pot (for those of you that don't know what that means, it is an old saying that some people use down here in the South). Ended up getting beat for it later. I may enter something in the Art Festival. If I do yall don't expect much. My art ain't much to look at and my singing isn't very good either. Anyway, Bye AMAZING PEOPLE!
Hey there @aiko123 *offering safe hugs*
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
Oh, I like Pokemon. I have actually watched it a lot when I was younger and, nowadays, I just love the Pokemon games - and that new Detective Pikachu movie was pretty awesome as well. :)
I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard week tho. I can imagine that has to be really hard to go through all that but I want you to know that you do not deserve whatever has been happening to you and that you are not alone here with us - we are here for you if there is anything we may be able to help you with :)
Also, I am really looking forward to hear/see from you in our art festival. No pressure of course, only if you feel comfortable participating :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark Hey Thanks! The Detective Pikachu movie was great, you right!
As an artist, lots of artworks have resonated with me-- my profession is my life, and everything intertwined within it impacts me and inspires me daily. Few artworks, however, have touched me so truly and sincerely when it comes to my trauma, I find. Everyone has such unique experiences that it's hard to be able to latch onto something exactly-- but every once in a while, something sticks out. I have two things that have hit so close to home it's almost a bulls-eye in that regard, and they're both songs.
"A Better Son / Daughter" by Rilo Kelly, which is a song about hope in hopelessness, and about the golden fire in your belly that accompanies the desire to be better. A sample of the lyrics:
"But you'll fight and you'll make it through, You'll fake it if you have to, And you'll show up for work with a smile, And you'll be better and you'll be smarter, And more grown up and a better daughter, Or son and a real good friend"
The other one is "Guiltless" by dodie, which is a song specifically about trauma, and how often a victim is so much stronger than anyone knows, because they can never resolve what happened with their abuser, and the frustration that comes along with that kind of recovery. They have to swallow it and move past it all on their own, and it's hard, but they can do it. Here's a sample of those lyrics:
"Is it real? You believe you're guiltless, Oh, I can tell you believe you're guiltless, But I don't think I'd feel better if I opened your eyes, I'll carry your burden 'til the day that you die, Is it real? You believe you're guiltless"
Both of these songs have a special place in my heart, and while they hurt to hear, they're extremely cathartic. I hope they can help someone here as they've helped inspire me and make me feel less alone!
Hey there @betterchoices *offering safe hugs*
We are really glad to have you here with us!
Oh, that is really awesome that you are an artist! I mean, I have had my own tries of drawing and writing but I am really far from anything professional ever - in fact, I am not exactly good at any of them :P
Somehow I have found that as well that it is really songs that can really stick out to me as well. Well, besides the example above. Music just have something really unique to it for me, to the point where it is not a thing I like, or just something I listen to but just a part of my life. :)
I really like that bit of lyrics. I do have some of these fight songs of my own as well. You know, songs that are just meant to help you fight through whatever life may be throwing your way and I will probably add this to that list as well.
I mean, I am always looking for new songs and new artists to add to my playlists - which should be updated either way. Anyhow, ranting aside their, I am really glad to hear that you have that song that gives you power like that :)
You know it is an interesting perspective. I have never thought about it that way, but some people sure do not have any sort of resolution with their abuser. It sure can be hard to just let it go and to allow yourself to continue with your life without that comfrontation or any resolution but I do think as well that it gives you some extra power, some skills that can be so very important in other situations as well to just allow to let painful and hard things out of your control go - as hard as it can be.
Those lyrics are pretty powerful as well. I mean, I do really admire that sort of power honestly, to just carry on like that and I think it is pretty amazing of you that you are so very strong as well :)
I think one big thing about art is that you feel you can connect with others through hardships, through happiness - through things that people may not say out loud and therefore can be isolating. But when you have pieces of art like that it can sure be really helpful to just feel connected :)
Stay strong and awesome!