Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 31st October 2017
Greetings to you all!
Well today turned out to be rather stressful, and in the midst of it all, I remembered "pause and breathe" So I did. And it made a difference, as it always does. As science tells us, when we inhale we activate the sympathetic state ( flight or fight system) and when we exhale we activate the parasympathetic state ( the calm and collected system).
In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh :
"Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out,I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment."
So we can anchor ourselves in the present moment by the breath. Breathing slowly and deeply can calm us. We can count as we breathe in and out,or feel the diaphragm lift and fall,or simply focus on the brreathing. Whichever works.Sounds simple But most of all remember to "pause and breathe."
How is your day going? Have you used the "pause and breathe" today? Any helpful tips on this? Or pop in to say hi! Love to hear from you. This is your space and a safe place. x
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Good morning,
I love all of the ancient wisdom that the various mediation processes have to offer. I begin each day focusing on the breath. The inhale, the pause and the exhale. Then I shift slowly into other areas as I was taught so many years ago. Wow, it sounds so easy to to take a few moments to clear ones mind and follow the breath. Acknowledging the random thoughts that distract us and allowing them to simply flow through the mind while gently bringing ones attention back to the breath. It is a beautiful practice and I believe it took me months before I could even make it to five cycles without getting lost in the details of my day! I kept working on the basics for a very long time. Now, remembering the inhale, pause and exhale has changed my view dramatically. Learning to act as a choice as opposed to being reactive. It gives us a sense of empowerment in the midst of what may feel like chaos. The more I practice, the more habituated the ability to pause becomes. While I still have my moments (and always will), my teachers remind me to be gentle with myself and those intrusive thoughts and emotions. They remind me that I dont have to be perfect or push things away. Acknowledging the natural distractions without being completely drawn in is equally important.
I will forever be grateful to my teachers. Thank you, rozie for taking me back to their gentle guidance this morning. I am certain the practice will be revisited today.
@Compassionatelistener108
Love how you have expressed this, and thank you for sharing with us. Agree the benefits come slowly as we practice gently day by day.x
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@themainjane
So hoping you get this quiet day and the stillness. As you said we need this, and especially in our busy lives. And you know you are giving your family what they need most.. to be loved.Hug! x
Pause and breathe. Goals for the day. Having "off" feelings pass through, very slowly.
Little things, basic tasks/exercises feel insurmountable (as per yesterday's check in by @hoxenos). Was supposed to go grocery shopping today, but put it off till tomorrow. Blustery, dreary Autumn weather is aiding and abetting my demotivation.
Pause. Breathe. Self compassion (trying my best, anyhow...)
@melliotm
I am proud of you for taking care of yourself today. The groceries can wait until tomorrow. Some days we just need to pause and breath. One moment at a time.
@Compassionatelistener108 Thanks ❤️ it's a baby steps, breathing-is-a-victory kinda day.
I had a flashback today but I framed my experi3nce (a visualisation) like I was in a cinema, looking onto the screen of a past memory, and I could touch its flat surface.
what are some ways you can reframe the expereince of having flashbacks?
Feel free to post some ideas down below!
@thelivingwellbeing - That is a very clever idea. I am mentally taxed right now and not sure what else could be done to reframe the experience, but I like this concept a lot. Thanks.
@wontsleepwontwake I am really happy the concept has helped, I got the idea from the book Reconciliation by That Nich Hahn (mind my spelling haha). Belps a lot too with intrusive memories. All the best! 😊🕊
@thelivingwellbeing - I am making a note of the book. Thanks!
@thelivingwellbeing
hey i know the experience of being a cocoon.do you think the caterpillar sleeps the whole time of transformation.all it does is to obey and remain calm and accept the process.to accept and let it go...and move on...and finally when it gets its wings all it got is a small wings...it needs to add some fluid and make it to grow...
@warmheartedPlace6008 I wonder how the the cocoon analogy is helping you at the moment? For me, it makes me appreciate that one can have a sense of safety but to work on transfprming and change at the same time
hey good to know you do read and care about my thought.everyone has a milestone to make out many fear to step up.to me im scared of people.i got no idea why people dont like me nor i see them their true nature.being a loner and trying to silence my mind through meditation but still some waves comeup making me to remember.i try to calm and keep walking in silence with a smile.thanks anyway for hearing me out.
A small argument today led to me realizing that because of past traumas, I can't handle criticism like everyone else. That's something that I'm really going to have to work on. I'm not sure how to work on it yet, but I'm looking into it. I think that if I can learn to hear criticism as opinions instead of just taking it as aggression.
@rozie - I really like Thich Nhat Hanh quotes. I practice mindfulness whenever I remember to, but it's hard to keep up, and it's hard to practice especially when I need the calmness most... I'm trying...
I'm having an awful day. I feel really low. I might have a breakdown again soon. I don't know. I just. I feel like it is never going to get any easier. and I feel I cannot sustain this. Even though I have so far. I just. I don't know. It's just been a really really difficult day / month...
@wontsleepwontwake Solidarity. I'm really feeling the strain today -- throughout this soon-to-be past month too. ⛺❤️ I don't really have any words of wisdom today, just trying to stay afloat too. Breathe, pause, repeat.
@melliotm - I will try to stay afloat with you. *breathes*
@wontsleepwontwake Like they teach you in swim class -- the buddy system.🏊
@melliotm - Aw, we're floating buddies.Thank you. 🏊 Buddy system
@wontsleepwontwake 🏊🏊🏊❤️
As intimated upthread, I'm not feeling so well this evening, I know the thoughts I'm having will eventually pass, just having trouble staying present with the difficult feelings while they linger. Is like right now I have to toe this very fine line to not trigger/revictimize myself, yet by doing so I end up minimizing the extent of just how awful and unsafe i am feeling at the moment.
Don't even really know how to properly articulate what is churning through my head at the moment, except that it's an emotional flashback, even though it feels otherwise I'm not in danger and, again, I know that it will pass. Trying to patiently and compassionately allow it to do so without falling apart in the process.
Still. Finding it hard to rein in my racing thoughts and establish a sense of safety even with the pausing, breathing and other myriad coping mechanisms/strategies in my toolkit. Anyhow.
I will live.😢😖
@melliotm - every moment you persist is a moment of superhuman amazingness <3 you're not alone, buddy 🏊❤️
@wontsleepwontwake ❤️❤️❤️🏊
Having that feeling like I can't go on anymore.
I wrote my reasons down for surviving a while ago and I reread them. I am going to keep going because that is my choice and I don't have another one. Everything I need I think I can have in the future.. I just don't have it now. But I am going to keep going for that future. Just today I don't have what it takes to actually do it and I worry that I am burning myself out again. Just from existing in my current situation everyday costs a huge huge amount of energy reserves that I don't have anymore. Occassionally there is a little bit of affection, or an interaction with someone that gives me a boost. But it is not enough to balance out all the other times that are costing me energy. I have a lot of needs.. mostly I need someone to just be there with me. I don't have what I need and I keep going anyway. It hurts so so much. I am so so lonely.
@Kuma0187
I hear ya.
@Kuma0187
Oh my heart goes out to you. Sounds like you're in one of those dips or valleys where its gets hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe just look at the next paving stone and go gently one at a time.We are here with you and in support. If you'd like to PM me I'm happy to have a chat. Hug! x
@rozie en Jane
Thanks for being there :)
I am doing a little better today..
@Kuma0187
What you said really spoke to me. Ive had those thoughts and it can cause this quiet building thing that threatens to take you down into a desperation so deep that you wonder why you even bother going on living. I dont really know how to stop it -- i just tiptoe around it so it doesnt avalanche on me and then I try to move away.
But today was a better day for me too. Had a moment (right before I wrote this) where it started to swell in me -- that despair -- nope, nope, nope. Stay down. I mentally close the door on it and walk away...bc whats the point of entertaining it? and there is no safety net here. There is no safety net in this life to keep me from feeling life no matter how i try. (but usually i do a pretty good job of avoiding it)
but yeh, good day -- good enough, i'll take it. "at least i'm trying," I tell myself. yeh, good day. i can accept it as a good day? "nope," says guilt. But I said ... "good day!" :)
^(these things just wont stay where they are supposed to and getting the last word in on them feels wrong but I am trying to trust it will lead me to a better place.)
Anyway, my own tangent above, but thank you for sharing Kuma. Hope to hear from you again soon in the check-ins. And hope you we both can string together a few "good days."
@themainjane
Thanks. It is already a lot to know that we are not alone trying to figure out how to deal with these feelings. Sometimes I just think that they are way way bigger than I am and that I will be swallowed up by them. At those times it is hard to remember that they are just one small part of who I am.. I find mindfulness is the only thing that has ever really helped with this, but I haven't been doing it long enough to really be able to apply what I learn from it so often as I have these difficult moments. Slow progress haha.
@Kuma0187
slow progress is still progress <3
@themainjane
true