Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Tuesday 3rd April 2018
Hello lovely "trauma family"
Thinking about fences... from the window I can see five wire fences that separate one paddock from another... paddocks of different shapes and sizes but boundaries all marked by fences. Our neighbour is a dairy farmer and he moves his herd of cows from one paddock to the next..The fences enable him to do this, to manage the grass growth and feed for the cows.Then the fences also keep the herd safe.. they are not out on the road or in the drains. We have one paddock and three calves who have safety and security within their paddock. When there was a hole in the fence we had one escapee calf called Bernie. He would join the herd, get a free feed, go down to the milking shed with the herd and come back again.I'm sure he thought he was on a big adventure, reality was anything could have happened.. he could have got lost or unintentionally injured by the cows So Bernie was brought home! The break in the fence mended, and he learned to live within the boundaries that the fences provided.
So fences lead me on to boundaries.. you know about boundaries..A healthy boundary is to protect and take care of you. A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person, a clear place where you begin and the other person ends. Healthy boundaries serve to establish one's identity...( to be continued next week)
How is your day going? Any reflections on boundaries? Or pop in to say hi! You're welcome here. this is your space and a safe place.x
@rozie My day is going well, I guess. I used to have a lot of boundaries, and they eventually dropped. I guess that's good in some way, but there's a few boundaries that only drop for certain people now. I just kind of hate that I can't drop some boundaries for a person I know so well, or at least think I know well enough. I figure it'll happen eventually, and when it does good or bad things will happen. It doesn't matter, when it happens I'll move on from it if it is bad, and if it's good then that's good.
@rozie
Had my boundaries crossed repeatedly yesterday. The kind of men who repeatedly crosses your boundaries, no matter what their educational, socioeconomic, and cultural backgrounds are, will always make you feel bad about not giving them what they want at the expense of your well being, despite you consistently drawing boundaries, and providing explanations about the level of physical and mental discomfort giving them what they want brings. Yet some of them pride themselves on being empathetic creatures, or people who have any sort of positive traits. My presence should not mean that I must give. These men should not be allowed to interact with people if they cannot understand that.
There are just so many of them on this earth for me to be able to live in peace anymore.
I find I feel exhausted just hearing the word boundaries. I'm so used to manipulating the situations I am in in order to discover what other people want so I can either be that or give them that I don't know what my own boundaries are. I've lost touch with who I am because what I'm so obsessed with is making others happy. Saying no should sound easy but I can never seem to choke out the words. And my solution to all of this has just been to completely withdraw from others... because I am so unbelievably tired. I had therapy today so I feel worn out from that too.
Good morning
hope all is well
@scarletPear1945 HI scarlet, nice to see you in here! I hope you enjoy a lovely morning and have a great day☺️💕
@scarletPear1945
Nice to have you here with us! :)
@rozie
Thank you so very much. It's good to be here
@rozie
Thank you so very much. It's good to be here
Canvas does the happy dance because boundaries is her favourite topic
Shameless plug but if you have not read it I recommend the 7cups self-help guide: https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/
It totally changed my life and I feel a lot safer in myself now than I did before.
@LifeIsMyCanvas Hi, thank you so much for checking in and your lovely baby video💕 I love it so much just because it's such a cutie.
I do appreciate that you've read that course for boundaries and put that address on our thread. I love that course and think that is well-made. We all need to know about boundaries, because more or less, all of us make some mistakes related to boundaries in our lives😅.
I think you're good and sensible person and wish you the best.☺️💕
@LifeIsMyCanvas
Oh canvas, I love the happy dance! :) and also hearing how boundaries have changed your life and made you feel safer. Thank you for the link too.. its well worth a read and putting into practice. Have a good day. x
