Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check-in Wednesday 14 March 2018
Hi Trauma family hope you are well.
. Over the last few days I have been thinking about how important it is for us all to have "a voice". On Sunday I was standing at the bus stop and next to me stood two teenagers, that were communicating through Sign Language. I was mesmerised by their signing, for Sign Language had provided them with a "voice. It reminded me of my own struggle to communicate. From the age of three all the way into my teenage years I suffered with a Communication Disability. Speaking was an every day struggle for me, I wanted my peers to know my views and to reveal my personality. However at times I felt as if someone had put a gag over my mouth!
What my peers did not know about me was that I liked to write poetry, read books, write stories. I could Break-Dance, Body Pop and Moon Walk (this was the 80s!) I had an obsession with Michael Jackson and could tell you every song on both the "Off The Wall and Thriller Albums, with the accompanying dance! How do you communicate all this, if you have difficulty speaking? Just because I had difficulty communicating, this did not mean that I did not have anything to say.
So now lets think about trauma, has your trauma stopped you from expressing yourself? Is there something that you would like people to know about you? It could be a hobby or an interest, a gift. Maybe you are passionate about a cause, or have an unfulfilled dream in your heart.
This is a safe space, the microphone is yours! 
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I like to sing and create things. I have a couple of inventions I have been trying to Patten. I also like to write. I sing with two Gospel Groups and enjoy the traveling sometimes.
@scarletPear1945
Hi scarlet singing, writing and inventing! You sound like an extremely creative person. I wish you luck with your pattens, and I hope that in the near distance future that I will be using one of your inventions!
@Amandisa16
Thank you
I hope so to
@Amandisa16
Thank you
I hope so to
@Amandisa16 hey hey! beautiful post! <3
I feel like my trauma has been stopping me from expressing myself often in the past. It was difficult for me to learn how and when to use the word " no ", but after some time and recovery i learned it.
what others dont know about me is that singing is my passion. i sing about 3 hours per day ( my poor poor neighours ) but its something that helped me to express myself and made me feel like i have a voice.
Lovely post and lovely idea!
I wish you all an amazing day/afternoon/evening!
@Hope3729
Thank you hope , sorry to hear that in the past your trauma stopped you from expressing yourself. It can be difficult to lift your voice and to assert yourself, especially after suffering trauma. I'm pleased that you are feeling more confident when saying the "no" word. It is so important particularly when setting boundaries.
So you're a singer too!, Yes I can see how song/singing is a powerful vehicle for expression, and literally gives you a voice!
Thank you for sharing Hope and have a lovely day/afternoon/evening too.
idk I prusher here and there myself to learn my limits
wonder am I not enough humble...
my friend just scared me with energy...
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Hi pineapple! Thanks for responding. Pushing yourself can be good, if you do it with care. I'm sorry you're still scared because of your friend's work with energy, it has been a few days of that, are you at least calmer now?
@PenguinsCrossing
idk just getting worse...
@conscientiousPineapple1782
I'm very sorry to hear that. Please stay hopeful and look for help, I believe that you can get through this. Stay strong 💚💛
@PenguinsCrossing
feel actualy better today
@Amandisa16 hey :) yeah trauma has definetly stopped me from expressing myself many times.. i felt like i always needed to be okay with everything and couldnt have a voice (now i know i do have a voice ;))
i always write poems a lot when i feel like expressing my emotions. :)
great post! <3
@dynamicHemlock1736
Wooo! Poems! That's awesome that you found your medium for expression! Here at trauma community we sometimes hold poetry events, it would be great to see you participate, if you'd like to share some of your work. :) Keep on expressing!
@dynamicHemlock1736
Hi dynamic, yes you do have a voice, and poetry is a great way to release emotions. I'm glad that you have found your voice.
My hobby is writing poetry. I have shared two poems in one of the forums here. This is the first time I have shared them with people. Before 7cups only my therapist had read them. My passion is working with children and to help be their voice. When I got divorced I had to make a job change. I am now trying to find a way to get back to what I enjoy doing.
@RedHawk6547
Another poet! Love it! :) Sounds like you're in a time of self discovery, it's great that you have figured out what you like and how to express what you feel and want. Congratulations on building a new, free version of yourself and for persuing whatever will fill your days with joy.
@RedHawk6547
Hi RedHawk, good on you for stepping out and sharing your poems in the forums, I will keep my eye out for them! You said that your passion is to work with children, and to "help be their voice". I felt strangely emotional when you said this! Maybe because when I think of all the lonely, abused, lost, rejected children/teenagers in the world, it just strikes me how much they need someone to be there voice, to be an Advocate for them. You are passionate about this cause, and I hope that this dream again becomes a reality for you!
@Amandisa16
My longest standing interests also include the street dancing styles
I learned the baby freeze from youtube when I was 11, and although I haven't always dedicate my time to dancing. I've always had a passion for it. When I went to university I picked up popping, and locking. Because of my studies I ended up not prioritizing my interests. It was the first and only community that I really had my eyes set on before I even started my university studies.
I might stick with locking since it always made me happy. Back in September last year I took a 26 hour dancing workshop from some of the OGs from the 70s 
I was so tired after the first day that I missed the main event that I already paid for 
That weekend was the first time that I felt like things can be okay again. Maybe it was the endorphins from the exercise that was talking though as things went downhill agan after that. I just never really went back into the dance scene since then because everything occurred at night (the lessons, the events, the battles, the practices) and I started avoiding going out at night. Going to the gym just wasn't the same and it had the opposite effects sometimes.
I hope for the next event I'll be able to go though.
I've also used sketching to help sometimes. Keeping only good vibes of events, people, places, and things that gave me negative emotions.
I guess I never felt that dancing was part of my identity because I wasn't as original or as on beat as the others who dedicate their lives to dance.
Maybe I'm still figuring it out so I don't really talk about it to other people even though I've dedicated huge chunks of my life to a lot of different hobbies in the past.
@humorousBeing8966
Hii! Thanks for sharing! I don't think you have to worry about a hobby being a huge part of your life in order for it to be a part of your identity. It seems to me that by having different things that interest you, you have plenty of resources to express yourself and to cope with life. Think about it this way: you're putting your eggs in different baskets by diversifying your activities vs depending on one thing to define you. Would you imagine how tragic it would be to be unable to do your only hobby?
Just do whatever you enjoy, it's why we are amateurs and not proffesionals. :)
@humorousBeing8966
Hi Humorous 😀, it sounds as if you have a real passion for dance. You said that you didn't feel that dancing was apart of your identity, because you were not as original as others that had dedicated their lives to dance. However, you don't have to do something full time in order for it to be apart of who you are. From what you have said, dance is very much apart of you. It seems to be an important outlet for you and gives you alot of joy. I also love the idea of using sketching to record "good vibes" of events, places and things. Thanks for sharing💗
@Amandisa16
Not being able to speak has definitely been a major barrier - in pretty much everything I think... Except I have quite the knack for sponsored silences 
I stopped speaking at 3, apparently. Never really questioned why it happened until this past year after some not so great memories came up involving family, which I guess made me question everything - course I don't remember being 3, all I knew was what my parents had told me. So I don't know for sure but I suspect trauma did play a significant part in that, and certainly with any expression or allowence of the slightest vulnerability. There are 6 people I am able to speak to, all family, none of whom I'm particularly close with and some who have been the source of trauma - makes things a bit tricky when you've become so reliant on them! There were several unwanted and disasterous attempts of speech therapy growing up, and for as long as I remember I told my parents I didn't want/need help, didn't want to talk, perfectly happy not talking etc. etc. I communicated to friends by writing, and those I've known a long time somehow understand and drag out entire sentences from a few odd gestures (I only realised how odd they were when I tried communicating to somebody who didn't know me so well like this... It was an awkward and confusing couple of minutes haha 
) - course it brought a lot of exhasperation, bullying, misunderstandings, loneliness and so on but I didn't really see it as a problem until I went travelling with a group of friends and realised just how much I rely on those who know me, so that brought a lot of guilt. Sooo, something I'd like people to know about me? I don't really know whether I do or don't want people to know, but heyho, 17 years later and I'm just now starting to realise and accept that actually yeah maybe I do want to be able to speak. But also maybe not cause that would be like jumping into a whole other world
@AMusicalSilence
Hi Musical💗 yes not being able to speak is a barrier, it can be a real hinderence. It's great that your friend's and family have been so understanding and supportive, communicating with you through writing and gestures 😀. You mentioned going travelling with your friends, I'm pleased that you haven't let this stop you from living your life. Whether you want to speak or not is a decision that only you can make, and in your own time😁. Thank you for allowing us to hear your voice here on 7 cups, and thank you so much for sharing💗💗💗
@Amandisa16
I used to belive life is black and whight
now more believe is colurful
thought would like to still feel like person of value
@conscientiousPineapple1782
Hi Pineapple 😀 I'm glad that life has become more colourful for you. It can be difficult when we only see things in black and white. I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel valued. You are worthy of love and respect etc and I hope that in time you will begin to not only see this, but to believe this. Sending hugs your way💗💗💗
Hi, It's Teresa and now I'm checking in!
Thank you so much for this thread💕 and I think my crime experience made me feel really hard to express my emotions against what I experienced and similar crimes in public. I don't talk much about similar crimes in real world, and spending my days like nothing-ever-happened. But it's true that HAPPENED and my brain got damaged in some way.
I hope everyone in this community find some hope and comforts while she/he is in it. You're not alone with this. We're all struggling and that matters.
@TeresaGreninja91
Thanks for checking in 😁, Sorry to hear that you have been a victim of crime. It can be so difficult to express emotions, particularly when dealing with traumatic experiences. It is a process and does take time. I hope that you receive all the support you need to aid your recovery💗
Hi!
My autism makes it hard for me to speak at times. I want to learn sign language someday
@archerzvy
Hi Archerzvy😀, sorry to hear that your Autism at times hinders your speech. It can be so frustrating when you have so much to say, but cannot express it. You mentioned that you would like to learn sign language. I think there are quite a few sign language courses around, including online courses. Thanks for sharing💗
