Traumatic Experiences Daily Check in: Friday July 21
Hey surviour, warriors and amazing people! It's finally Friday which means we have made it through another week woohoo!
Here are some check in questions
1)I want to try something different for this first question, how did this quote make you feel and/or think?
2) How is your day today on a scale of 1-10, how can we as a community help make it higher or people around you?
3) What is something that makes you feel grounded, which experinces, skills, or things?
4) what is something that you like about yourself? (It doesn't have to be big)
1) The quote definitely resonated with me. Sometimes I feel like no one would stop and listen when something in the past bothers me, and as a trauma patient I do need to process what happened, which I still haven't had a chance to do.
2) My day literally just started, so I'd say it's an 8 because I'm being optimistic today! I want today to go well and I have high hopes for it! I want to work on my knitting projects so I can finally get my etsy store open!
3) The 54321 exercise helps me stay grounded. I love it to pieces.
4) I like my eyes. I think they're pretty. (They're hazel).
@Behindhazeleyes
Hope your day stays 8 or more Hazel. You're eyes sound beautiful.
@TheAsh Going to pass on the first question, or at least delay answering it till later. At the moment, am barely able to hold on to the present.
2) How is your day today on a scale of 1-10, how can we as a community help make it higher or people around you?
3 -- Was awoken with a start in the middle of the night, which is hard for me to shake off. Subsequent racing thoughts made it hard to settle down again. Dreams were...they were awful, once I was able to drift into an extremely shallow sleep. More emotional sediment dredged from the depths, it would seem. As the day goes on I'm feeling small, helpless, struggling to stay grounded amid the latest onslaught of disproportionate, time-displaced feels. Appetite and motivation is nil, but made myself eat breakfast and a meager lunch. Everything makes me want to cry at the moment. Hiding in the blanket fort again.
Feeling needy and guilty for feeling needy and guilty for feeling guilty. I know that this is part of the process and etc etc I've said this all a billion times lately just...my patience is wearing thin and it's making it hard to find love and compassion for myself when I just want to feel ok. I have the tools and the skills at my disposal, but it's hard to take hold of that when the slightest provocation sends you into the fetal position.
3) What is something that makes you feel grounded, which experinces, skills, or things?
Anchoring my breath via diaphragmatic breathing, self talk/affirmations. Which I can't seem to pull off today.
4) what is something that you like about yourself? (It doesn't have to be big
I like my bed.
@melliotm small steps melli. Im with you in your fort. Im bringing crispy duck and pancakes. Hugs
@inventiveOrange1 x thanks, Orange. That sounds delish. *Deep breath*. Ok. Is safe in the fort. Feel free to sits as long as you fancy. I don't foresee myself leaving anytime soon...
@melliotm
many many many mental hugs to you, my dear. Hold on. ❤️
@themainjane 💟💟💟 Thank you, Jane.
@melliotm
Hope things are going better mellio. All part of the process, but it sucks
@MKJart Holding on. Rough patches happen along the journey. Focusing on the basics ATM, or trying to at least (still need to make and eat what is going to be a late supper).
Brain and body are so tired from feeling so much recently. Just took a brief but stressful phonecall from my mother (made all the more so because it served no purpose, except to negate the steps that I had taken to relax). Now want to cry again for no reason (feeling small and helpless all over again).
And on it goes. Even though my focus has been lacking today, am gonna try to meditate. See if that helps.
@TheAsh
1)I dont talk much about it except on here so i guess i do feel people think i need to move on anyway. Its time to be over it and im not.
2) The day has been bad. Cumulative not sleeping and flashbacks meant i felt awful goin to work. Was hard on myself while there and i know it. Sh was an issue and i still havent got rid of other stuff stashed there. But i did leave early so i guess that was a small plus. We have been havin plumbing issues which hubby been trying to fix and getting more frustrated at himself. He has a history of thinking he is useless too so i didnt help by calling a plumber. I made him feel worse which left me feeling like he definitely deserves better than me right now. Overall probably a 4 cos im talking and not drinking. Weekend going to be hard. Need to be ok both days- our dads lodges have stalls at a fete tomorrow so families goin to be there. Then hubbys mum had a bbq on sunday for a friends birthday. Fake smile going to be hard to pull off.
3) i feel most grounded walking together in the fields and woods near our house. It helps to see things outside just work and memories. Not been doing it much lately. Feel unfit and still have bump. Part of me thinks im staying this way because i dont want to see it go. So screwed up.
4) really dont like much about myself. Im sorry thats an impossible question to answer right now.
@inventiveOrange1 *sits with Orange in the fort munching crispy duck and pancakes* I'm glad you have and use this outlet to talk when you need to, Orange. Nobody should have to suffer in silence. I wish the magic wand was an option, or something to make things easier. For you as well, @TreesandWine (gots any chocolate?). For all of us. X
@inventiveOrange1
I only talk here and with my counselor - seemingly about the ancient past with spatterings of daily drama.
A walk in the woods sounds lovely. I hope you two can go for one soon.
I know this may be a laughable question but is there any way you could sit out a family function occasionally? It can be so draining. I know it's a catch-22, I'm sure.
Be good to you my rice paper gal. You are doing exceptionally well considering the circumstances so please go easy on yourself. ❤️
@themainjane have to pretend to b ok with family. They hav suffered enough without more worry.
Glad you do talk.
Thanks for being here Jane. hugs
@inventiveOrange1
Sometimes I actually convince myself that their suffering is not my problem. I usually can't stay in that place tho and honestly I hope I don't. But it does allow respite.
Think about it at least. Allow them to be responsible for themselves because they are anyway. I'm willing to bet they are even sometimes part of the problem. It's just human nature. The world will not end of you tell them you need to sit one out. I know you love them. Hang in. <3
@TheAsh
Here are some check in questions
The quote reminded me how my self critic talks to me about being in the past.
My day so far is a 5. Family, animals and friends along with the supportive community here help me greatly.
Meditation, ice, deep breathing help me ground
I like my creativity and motivation.
@TheAsh
1)I want to try something different for this first question, how did this quote make you feel and/or think?
Free wholeheartedly agrees with the quote, people don't understand frees past and people alway Just says to get over it of stop thinking about it.
2) How is your day today on a scale of 1-10, how can we as a community help make it higher or people around you?
Today is a 2/3 let's of flashbacks today and feel invalidated by listeners, people seem to not understand what free feels, free needs a listener that understands and cares about free.
3) What is something that makes you feel grounded, which experinces, skills, or things?
Free hasn't found a grounding technique that helps, free has tried it but it doesn't help.
4) what is something that you like about yourself? (It doesn't have to be big)
Free can advocate For themselves.
@Tryingtobefree98
Jane likes Free's answers. ❤️
@Tryingtobefree98
Glad you are here Free
@TheAsh
"Allow me to talk about my past without saying, 'Stop living in the past' A listening ear for the moment is all I need."
1)I want to try something different for this first question, how did this quote make you feel and/or think?
This quote sounds freeing. It's permission to deal with things that have historically bothered me and still bother me to this day. If I give myself permission to actually deal with it maybe I can eventually move on, come to terms, find peace - something. Maybe I can be free.
Thank you for this, Ash. ❤️
@TheAsh
1)
I deal with people saying that (or acting like they want me to shut up and move on) every single day. It describes exactly how I feel!! I just need a listening ear from my friends and mentors. Don't excpect for you to be able to "fix" me and my situation. The damage is done my friend. If you would have noticed sooner, or at all, without me having to tell you, I wouldn't be anywhere near how bad I am now. It reminds me that people just don't have the patience to sit and LISTEN sometimes. Not just leave when they get bored.
2)
Honestly, I'm not that bad today. Yeah, I've had a few urges to cut, and have restricted food today, but it's about a 5, which is a really rare occurrence. I'm usually a 1 or 2. I'm going out with some friends later today, and I hope they stay loyal to me instead of going off with the larger group. I constantly need reassurance that everything isn't my fault and that I can trust people again.
3)
During any panic attacks or C-PTSD flashbacks, I can't calm down at all. I basically just try and avoid triggers like loud noises, quick movements, being in the center of the room, etc, and sit in corners with my back to the wall to make sure nobody can come hurt me like they did before. I keep my eyes wide open and ears perked up and tuned into small sounds. I honestly am just devoured in fear. I usually end up self harming when that happens (and it happens a lot...) bc it's the only thing that makes me feel 100% better. And it feels good
4)
I don't know. It sounds bad but I like tracing my scars. Calms me down. Reminds me that I have control and that nobody can hurt me that I don't want to hurt me. So basically the only thing I like about myself is my SH scars....
@SemicolonSurvivor
I like your description of what it's like to be somewhere when your senses are so heightened because you're on the edge.
I respect that you say you like your scars Altho I hope some day maybe it's for different reasons? But I can understand that they have their own way of saying "this is real. This happened. This is here." A way to try, if that makes sense?
Glad you are feeling a bit better than usual today in some regards. Thanks for sharing all of this.
Also I understand how it wears you out when you feel that exposed when all you are trying to do is conceal. When you want to run away and hide.
I know there's a lot more to this fight or flight/go away/ avoid response it brings up that brings you to cutting. I used to do it because I couldn't deal. But I used lots of different things .
Pretty sure it's the type of thing a professional is going to have to help me with. Do you see a counselor? I'm sorry but I've forgotten.
Also, I hope your outing goes well.
@SemicolonSurvivor
Hi Survivor, sorry it took me so long to answer you question about asking the trusted person what they thought. I'll answer here because I can't find the thread.
When I first felt unsure of her, I had to phsyc mysylf out for the talk. I thought of every possible answer and I had to be prepared to hear what I didn't want to hear too. It was scary. I finally said " I really appreciate you being here for me. I appreciate your time and cmpassion because I've needed to talk about some hard things. Thank you. recently I've been feeling like you're being more distant and I want to make sure that you're not feeling uncomfortable?" She responded that she apologized for me feeling that way, however, she isn't meaning to give off that kind of signal. She thanked me for pointing it out and recommitted to be there for me. It was a good conversation.
I'm happy to hear your day is going better today. Take care, Mary
