Another kid

Hi, I’ve been struggling internally with not many people to talk to so I thought I’d try this :) A few months ago I was hit with a memory from when I was 7 or 8. I was with another neighbor boy who was maybe a couple years older than me and we were “playing” under a blanket. I remember one specific and graphic instance and it just replays over and over again. It hits me out of nowhere and I feel like I can’t escape it. I feel violated and disgusted in myself. I don’t even truly know how to feel about It anymore. Sometimes I have a thought of “maybe I’m the one who initiated this”, is that just guilt and my own fears and disgust coming out? I know I was violated but why do I think that way, I finally decided to confide in my best friend last month, something I’ve NEVER told anybody and she straight up laughed in my face and made it into a joke. She apologized and said she felt bad but it just makes me feel invalidated. Like maybe what happened is stupid, maybe it didn’t even happen and my mind just made it up. My mind is just all over the place and I’m feeling really conflicted and upset over everything. I’m sorry if this made no sense and was confusing but that’s where I’m about at. I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this but I guess it’s to get off my chest. Anyways, thanks to whoever reads all this lol Peace and love✌🏻❤️