Can anyone help!

I am scared to open up but I did a terrible thing the other day.

My wife and I went to bed and I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and drank the whole night (tequila and that's a big no for me)

She got up and got mad at me, she says I had a mess in the room, but I don't remember A THING. She told me that we faught hard and that I don't know if she was getting me to not cut myself and I pushed her and she fell. I dont remember anything and I feel horrible. She is now acting like nothing happened but I am scared and ashamed. And I feel like hurting myself.