Feeling lost, lonely, and scared...

Not sure where to put this... I didn't really see any topics that apply, so please forgive me if it's in the wrong place....I am feeling like I have no where to turn... I don't know what to do... I spent the past 12 years of my life being isolated, degraded, controlled, lied to, and tormented mentally... when my life became a constant cycle of waking up every morning and praying that that day would be the day that one of us died, and ended every night praying that one of us would never wake up, I knew that I had to make a drastic change in my life... I had to break away from him as much as I possibly could... He had moved us to a state where I had no family, no friends... For 8 years I was a stay at home mom... My life consisted of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our son... I had no transportation, no access to money, I wasn't even allowed to take my son to the park, or anywhere if I had to cross a busy road, because I was to stupid to be trusted with his son's safety... I would beg him to let me leave, but he wouldn't allow me to leave with my son... so I stayed... I forced a smile everyday, and tried to give my son as much of a "normal" life as possible... eventually I caught him proclaiming his love to a girl online, and he left... but he left me and my son living with his father... so he still had full access to keep treating me the way he did... I eventually was able to pull myself up, and put pieces back together little by little... I stayed with his father for three years while I struggled with moving out, and standing on my own two feet again... but he still uncontrolled everything... he still tore me down everyday... I tried to seek help, but any attempt was cut short with threats of him taking my son, and destroying me in court... and all I could think was I didn't want to put my son through that, so I foolishly backed down every time... during this time I was able to connect with friends again... I gained a little confidence back... But I knew that in order for me to take control of my life I had to take the first step... and it had to be a big one... I didn't want to be in the state I was living in... I had no real friends,no family, no support system... My son's father wanted to moved also, so I made a plan on a state we both could agree on, and told him I wanted to move... He agreed to the move, as long as my son stayed with him while I got settled... Fair enough right?.. I could get settled and use some of the time for healing... I move... All is fine for the 1st month, and now I haven't spoken to my son in a few months... He won't answer the phone when I call, and will text the next day that my son doesn't want to talk to me... and then hours of texts about what a loser I am, how I "abandoned" him, threats, and tearing me apart... every time I get a notification tone for a text I feel like I'm going to throw up, because I never know what's coming... But in the mean time I miss my son so much that I don't know what to do... I'm empty, lost, confused, and questioning my decision constantly.... did I do the right thing? I don't know what he's telling my son, I don't know if he gives him the texts I send everyday for my son telling him how much I love him, and miss him... all I wanted to do was claim MY life back, give my son a mother who was happy, a mom he could be proud of... I don't ever want to wake up praying for death, or end my day in praying to never wake up because I feel like everyone would just be better off without me... All I want is my son, some peace in my life, a little content, love and happiness,and to not feel like I'm wasting my life... I'm sorry this was so long, but I really need to talk about it... I keep it all locked up behind a fake smile, but tonight more than ever I'm missing my son snuggled up in my lap, with his little arms wrapped around me.... Thanks for reading if you did... :)