Healing my way through childhood trauma and domestic violence
It's the first time that I am allowing myself to open up about the things I have been through...
I was raised as an only child, in a house where my father was an alcoholic, did not provide for us, and my mom had to work her bones off in order to provide for the family. We lived in only one room for more than 5 years before my mom took it upon herself to build a house for us.
Apart from the alcoholism, my father also raised his hand on my mom and hurt her. I was a gifted child since always so everyone around me made it a point to let me know that it was upon me to relieve my mom of the hell she's been through.
So yes, alcoholism, domestic violence, poverty, trauma, sickness of parents, weight and body issues, having been a small adult even as a child are what forged my childhood and my teen years.
I am today 23, striken by what I have been through, hurt and appalled at what I, as a mere child, have had to go through, and it breaks my heart.
My father passed away 6 years ago from cancer and it still disturbs me as to how I haven't been able to forgive him for everything yet. It hurts me as to how I haven't had a more normal childhood like all of my friends; how I am still being burdened with more and more responsibilities.
I just want to heal...
Hey, I'm so sorry to hear you're unhappy. What happened in your childhood is unfair and should not be normalized. However, the past cannot be changed, and we must somehow make peace with it, as with everything else we have no control over. Those memories will stay forever, but it's up to you how to handle them. This does not mean that you have to do it alone: ask for help, from whomever is available. You might also consider talking to a professional. The people around you may not fully understand what you have been through, but each of us has experienced challenge at some point in our lives, and this unites us. They don't need to have had the same life experiences as you in order to be around you and help you. Take care
I'm sorry for what happened to you. All your feelings are valid, and you don't need to forgive your father in order to heal yourself. It wasn't fair to you to carry such burden. My story is not the same as yours, but I also didn't had a normal childhood and was raised by an abusive father who didn't provide. It hurts to know that past can't be changed. But we survive it. You're much more than what happened to you, and can build a life when you see beauty and joy despite all the scars and the pain.
Wish you all the best.
You started healing the moment you decided to open yourself about it. I am so sorry to hear about your childhood loss. Being a survivor of conplex ptsd I van assure you that you are not alone in this. Your friends might not acknowledge or understand what you have been through but there are many people who have same childhood like you. They can understand you. More power to you.
