I don't know what to do; struggling to understand my childhood

(1/2) I'm a 20 year old female, and I've been so frustrated over my childhood. I've been given crippling anxiety and depression because of how I was raised. Some kids got to go to Disneyland and go to sleepovers, I got yelled at and belittled for existing. I dont know where I am supposed to post this type of thing, but I just need to get some stuff off my chest.

I was born and raised in redneck country. We were white trash. My mom was a literal psycho and my dad worked all the time. We lived in an old mobile home. We moved there when I was 8. My mom was bipolar, narcissistic, and very controlling. Everything had to be her way or no way. My father had absolutely no say in how we were raised or what financial choices were made. He tried, but she was very dominant.

My dad was also a first generation metis. My mother however, was a racist white woman (she's not hardcore racist anymore). My mother was a bitch to us all. My father didn't believe in mental health, ironically because he had severe depression. Every paycheck he got would go right to my mother's pocket. He had to basically beg or steal it back from her if he wanted a bit of spending money. My father wasnt even allowed to wear jeans in fear he'd attract another woman. He wasn't allowed to speak to or make eye contact with another woman. The last 6 years of the marriage they weren't intimate and slept in separate rooms.