I don't know what to think

I was just recently told that I was abused as a child. My grandma told me because she thought I knew.

I heard growing up that I was a horrible child, that I was mean and hit my mom and would scream out the window that I was being beat a d would call the cops to get her in trouble.

I grew up knowing that I knowing that I had anger issues and needed to be put in mental hospitals because I was too much to handle and would hurt my siblings.

I knew that I needed to be on medications to help because I was a mean child who couldn't control my anger. But I just recently found out that this was all a lie and I don't know how to handle it.

I love my mom, but now I'm being told that when I was 3 she beat me so bad CPS took us away after my Aunt Veronica called them. That I was put on medications because my mom wanted to sell them. That I never hurt her or my siblings. That my mom tried to move out of state and leave me in a mental hospital when I was 11 and that the only reason she didnt was because my grandparents told her they would take me.

I was told that I wasn't a bad child growing up and I don't know how to believe that. I don't know how to look at my mom and think about her hurting me.

My aunts are concerned because I apologize too much and cry if I mess up at something like loading a dishwasher wrong. These are things I didnt think about before and I can't tell if km just over thinking things now or what.

I don't want to think about it, but I can't stop and I dont know what to do. What if she did?