Need help please it's mentally exhausting
I am an Indian we consider that our parents are supreme and are not to be questioned ever and are to be respected at all times and no matter what they say or do. I belong to an upper middle class family so I haven't felt actual trauma however my mom has a victim blaming attitude and whenever I told her a problem she always told me it was my fault or laughed at me for having a problem and that I should"man up" and stop being a sissy. My mom has continuously abused me right from 2nd grade to 8th and she has encouraged and cheered my dad to literally belt me until my skin turned blue and she kept giving him instructions when he used to hit me saying don't touch the face people will know. I haven't ever shared this with anyone but when I was in 11th she picked up a cast iron pan and took a good swing at my head and played it off like nothing had happened. I am not yet financially independent and I'm scared to tell her anything as she'd throw me out the house which she has done on several occasions and my grandmom had to get me back into the house after talking to my mom. She is very materialistic and she always liked me as in spoke to me properly only if my grade were in the A region when I started dropping my grades due to stress she literally disowned me and didn't acknowledge me one bit she even abused me and said a lot of words however she started speaking to me and approached me again after my grades started improving and she had no contact with me and never spoke to me once in 2 and a half years during which time she threw me out the house and had me living with my grandmother on my dad's side of the family and during this time she told all my relatives she never told me to leave and that I left and could come back anytime I wanted and told them to tell me to comeback and when I would go to her house she always told me to get lost and that I couldn't come. Apart from this we got a golden retriever who she didn't like one bit but my dad lived the dog and she keeps using him as an excuse to pick a fight and keep nagging me. I finally stood up to uet when she raised her hand at me and said enough is enough when she called my dad up and told him I abused her and hit her when all I did was grab her hand when she was hitting the me and
"Haven't felt actual trauma"? This, right here, what you described, is traumatic as hell. I'm Indian too, and trust me, don't fall for the "parents are supreme", "mothers are selfless goddesses" bullshit. They're humans, just like us. Some parents are good humans, some are horrible humans. I'm really sorry for your situation. I really know what you feel like. I grew up with an abusive, manipulative mother. When you mentioned that her treatment of you is based on your grades, I felt it on another level altogether. My mother made a scene and told people I hit her when I defended my younger sibling from her blow. I was beaten, insulted, disowned, but never thrown out of the house though. I don't know what to say to help you. I can say a lot based on my experience, but I don't know what you need. I'll just say keep fighting. You'll turn out to be fine. If possible, seek therapy. Find someone you can talk to. Start your healing process even though you're still in that house. One step forward, two steps backward is still better than just two steps backward. I'm not a listener, and I'm new here. I don't know if you can reach out to me, but if you need to, feel free to.
