Need help to heal from abuse

I've been dating a guy 2 years back whom I had crush for 4 years waited for the right time to start a conversation. It went well for 3 months and we had great moments together. It was completely like a fairly tale. I was already in a trauma back then and found this relationship an escape from all those depression it was so comforting for me. He was such a nice guy and everything seemed so extraordinary. But soon there was so much arguments for silly things. Empathy was lacking. I was treated like a doormat. But surprisingly I beared everything out of love for him. I sort of liked those grumpiness and masculine energy he had got. But after a year I was completely emotionally exhausted. I was not appreciated, validated or not even treated like a human being. He hated me without any reason despite me being my best. He pointed so many mistakes in me which made me so insecure because i thought and believed what he said was right. He used to threaten me by saying bye. And one day he said you can leave now for not responding properly. I was totally emotionally numb and said bye quickly and left but that wasn't even an argument it was a normal conversation which was going on. After leaving him, surprisingly I felt very happy and peaceful which I thought would be so horrible. I enjoyed my peace in my quarantine life. But now as it was post lockdown I was made to meet my people in college whom I was avoiding for long time due to these personal issues. Im not able to converse with them properly. Im emotionally numb now that I cannot open up with anyone being introvert myself who has social anxiety I couldn't cope up with all these stuffs. I do have a friend who can hear all these but I cannot express my insecurities because either I would cry or it would make me more insecure by thinking will they turn against me. Anxiety hits me if I have to meet anyone in person. I definitely know I cannot find love anymore which makes me even more insecure. I don't feel like crying but one thing what I definitely know is ignoring all these emotions will not heal me. I should feel this depression which currently I'm incapable of. Im brain fogged. Please anyone do help me