Oh dear so many things...
I feel quite sad. When my dad yells at me and tells me how worthless I am and that I don't do anything, when I get chosen last or not at all for events, when my mum ignores me and doesn't take me seriously, and when I've slowly made the people around me sad because I can't quite shake being depressed, I truly feel worthless. The problems causing it Ican't escape from because I rely on my dadbut whenever I fight with him, herefusesto. When I feel worthless I scratch. I could never bring myself to actually cut, bring anything sharp to my skin and cause bleeding, but when my dad says all those things I just scratch and scratch somewhere no one will see like my thigh or on my arm and just wear long sleeves. I feel like I really deserve it like some punishment for failing.
You are not worthless.
Hi, yellowCranberry (I hope you see this, I know colorFruit is the standard form for guest handles). I just want you to know that sometimes parents don't quite understand that their children are vulnerable. They don't seem to realize their children are just as vulnerable and reliant on them as they were on their own parents. For a time in high school, my parents seemed to act a bit like you describe yours. Not taking me seriously, and constantly criticizing how I spend my time. No matter how many chores you do, they always say you do nothing all day, that you'll never do anything with your life. I can understand just a bit what that's like, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it because it sucks to be croticized and belittled by the people who are supposed to build you up and prepare you to take on the world. I just want you to know you definitely aren't the only person going through these things, and you don't deserve any punishment. I understand self-harm can become a habit, and it isn't something thatcan just, poof, be stopped. Just know that some things can't be undone, and if your self-harm extends to lacerations--well, even when you're happy, you'll always have those scars. A temporary situation can seem permanent, but someday you won't live with your parents. Anyway.
I just want you to know that your worth comes from the way you treat other people, not from how other people see or treat you. You're not worthless. Nobody is worthless. Go look in the mirror and think about the incredible odds tht you even exist. You're YOU, a tiny speck of flesh in the universe, and yet you exist! You cannot be recreated. You are fortunate enough to have formed on earth, and to be one of the few living creatures that we know of in existence. You are a miracle all your own. That doesn't sound worthless to me.
If your friends are leaving you because you are depressed, they don't sound like very good friends to me. Have you ever told them how you feel? Or how your parents act and what your father says to you? Maybe if they understood what you're going through and why you feel the way you do, they might not be so quick to run away from sadness.
I hope this helps. You are not alone, and you don't have to feel alone. There are people who care about you and your happiness and emotional and mental health, especially here on 7cups. If you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to try and make you feel better or even just listen.
Also, I'm sorry if I sounded judgmental of your friends or parents. I don't mean to imply that they are bad friends or bad parents, but their behavior doesn't sound conducive to a healthy relationship or to self-esteem.