Respecting Boundaries
This year I have decided to cut ties with my abusive mother and toxic family. However, shortly after I was dx with endometrial cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. My father wanted to part of my life and promised me that being part of my life meant he would respect my boundaries. He said he wanted a relationship with me more then try to make me connect with my mother. However, he told her I had cancer and even brought her along to pick me up from the ER when I had to go for a complication from surgery. I wanted to believe him that he cared about me and I dont want to cut him off but... also he a coward that will always bend to my moms will. He stood by and let her abuse me so why should I trust he'll protect me from her now?
It can be tough to know what to do, but choose what makes you feel the safest and also what makes you happy as well.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It wasn't as serious as what you're going through, but I also experienced having my mom show up unexpectedly when I was in the hospital a few years ago. I had explicitly asked her not to come, but the cell service at that hospital was really spotty, so when I didn't respond to her, she waltzed right in. Like, you treat me like less than a dog, do you really think I want to see YOU right now? Honestly sometimes I wish I had shouted at her to get away from me, but I was sedated. My heart goes out to you. It sucks having your boundaries violated and I can't imagine how much harder it must be on top of having such a scary health issue.
I accepted Christmas and Birthday gifts from them as well. I feel my mother uses my economic distress as a way to worm her way in and as a way to say "all is good I'm a great mom I bought gifts ". I had planned to not accept anything from them but then needed things to make recovery more comfortable. I just feel like she doesn't actually care about me or even if I live or die but she does care that she her reputation is tarnished if she is made to look like a bad mom.