Sibling Emotional Abuse
Hello guys, so Ive been reflecting on my life this summer since school is out. Now that I have so much time along with work and friends, I felt like I am still broken. Ive been pretending to be okay and be happy most of the time when Im around friends and acquaintances that its been so exhausting to keep up.
Recently, Ive been slowly opening up to my close friends about my struggle with anxiety and depression resulted from my dysfunctional family lifestyle. Most of them understood and gave me their support, not to mention the ones who understands are the ones who also grew up with some conflicts with their families as well. It felt so good to let it out especially when I mentioned my past suicidal thoughts. I never got along with my older sister and I had looked through my old high school Facebook posts from me talking about how I wanted to kill myself and leave the world. It was all so vivid seeing them again. It all started when my parents started to argue a lot, then it just falls apart and my older sister turned on me.
I am on my journey trying to get used to physical and emotional affection from my friends such as hugs, having someones head on my shoulder and being physically close in general. Im still fighting the tendency of leaving them before they leave me because I am so afraid of getting hurt by those who are close to me. I am moving on to my final year of undergraduate school at my university.
@Hyperartist12
Hello, think its good that you have been reflecting like this over the summer as its seems to be giving you awareness of how the past is impacting on the present. I agree that trying to be appear to be okay when around people is exhausting.It takes courage to begin to share with friends,and you have courage as you share with your friends and find there is understanding and support... you are not so alone.
Sounds like what happened in your family was very difficult for you, and with your older sister turning on you, it would have been so tough. Emotional abuse is very destructive because it strikes at the very soul,and undermines you as a person.. your identity... and as a teenager you would have been forming this. You doubt yourself and begin to believe that what has been said is true.Its not. You fear closeness because in this you were hurt. But your awareness is the beginning of change. Its possible to recover and heal. A book that may be helpful is "Stalking the Soul" by Marie- France Hirigoyen.
And I really appreciate how you are trying to be closer to friends physically and emotionally, and in safe relationships, its possibble to learn to trust again.
