Struggling

During my childhood, my younger brother was noticeably my mother's favorite. He got way with everything. He was perfect in my mother's eyes. He had food and drink I wasn't allowed to touch. He was allowed to do whatever he wanted. He was catered to. Everything he wanted came first. He had no chores.

I used to get screamed at for doing my homework. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I did the dishes and all the laundry. Most of the time I made dinner too. I remember sitting in the basement doing my homework, while keeping an eye on the clothes and watching TV. She would come done stairs screaming at me to put my brother's show on and to go do my homework in my room. Then she's scream at me the second the dryer beeped to get down there to fold it.

She called me ugly, fat, stupid, worthless. She cursed at me. I remember being sick and getting yelled at for coughing. She always told me chores come before school work. She threatened to hit me. All she did was yell at me for years. I never joined sports or clubs or went to dances or parties, because she'd complain for days about having to take me. She made me feel disgusting. Like her and my brother were better than me. She hated that my dad hung out with me. I think she still might.

I was forced to watch my brother anytime they went anywhere. If I had a babysitting job I had to take him with me or I couldn't go. My dad was second shift and my mom was always in bed after work. He was my responsibility everyday after school, any school breaks, and all summer. I raised him.

I was treated as a second class kid. It sucked. It hurt.

She's changed. She treats me much better now. I still feel like an after though most of the time though.

I want to leave it all in the past and move on.

I don't know how.