TW

You don't have to read all of this it's your choice.

Heya, I'm Ari and I'm 14. I've been experiencing trauma since I was a toddler, I don't remember everything, I think my brain is actually blocking out some of those memories but, I remember multiple times of my dad being violent towards my mom. There is this one incident that still sticks with me, we were on a drive going somewhere, I don't remember where and my dad told my mom to take a specific turn. She refused to and then he started yelling at her a dumped her entire soda cup on her. Things got really violent, she ended up with a black eye and her favorite bra broken. I was crying because I was scared and my dad just got up in my face and screamed at me telling me I had no reason to be crying. We were pulled over by now and my dad pulled me out of the car, I was clinging to my mom crying and begging to stay because I was scared but my mom couldn't do anything. I was only 4 or 5, my dad did end up getting arrested while we were walking on the sidewalk because someone called the cops. I have much more trauma from back then similar to that all the way up to now. About 2 years ago, my mom left me with my dad, he started drinking like crazy and since my mom wasn't there, he started screaming and beating on me, a few times it became so bad I ran away, and guess who returned me to that situation. My mother. She actually had the choice to let me stay with her mom, my grandmother, though my grandma has always treated me more like her kid than my own mom did. Although I have lived with my grandma before, she refused. She said that I have to stay with one of my parents, she refused to take care of me or keep me in a safe place though. So yeah, I live with my abusive dad alone, and trust me, I did have him taken to court for child abuse and he still somehow won, though he is in jail now, but although it's not for child abuse, it's because a Karen called the cops on him for lightly bumping one of those yellow poles. Yes, the system found it more important that he lightly bumped a metal pole other than him abusing his girlfriend and kid for years. Currently, I'm a 14 yo living alone in my dad's place while he's in jail, sounds illegal huh? My whole life has been revolved around this. I used to think that I was just born a violent kid, but now I know it's because of what was going on around me, it wasn't my fault. I was violent up until I was about 10, I learned to control myself and all but right now, all I know is that I have anxiety and depression. I know there are other things wrong with me that I don't know of and I wish I could get a professional therapist for help because I know I really need it, I've begged my dad to let me have one but he's always just said I'm fine and therapy is for the weak. So now I'm here, I'm trying my best to get help. I can't trust the system though after my dad won that case, how can I trust it and try again only to make my situation possibly worse? I'll get a professional when I turn 18, but for now this is all I got.