Trauma bonding with father
I don't know if anyone else has heard of trauma bonding, but it's basically a related theory to stockholm syndrome, where the bonds formed with traumatic people make it hard to let go of the abuser. I'm experiencing that with my father. I was verbally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and sexually abused by him for as long as I can remember. It wasn't until I was 18 that I realized what had been happening wasn't normal and I needed to get away. He divorced my mom when I was 3 so I've never really lived with him, just partial custody. But now it's been over 6 years since I stopped seeing him consistently, and I still feel obligated to talk to him. It's a cycle of feeling guilty for being a bad daughter, reaching out to him, feeling hope when he is kind, then getting hurt by him again, blocking his number, then feeling guilty for blocking him and starting the process all over again. I am fed up with the cycle and I want to get out. I just need some encouragement on how to wrap my head around kicking my father out of my life. It seems so harsh, but I want to protect myself. Any advice?
Interesting, I experience the same thing with my mother. Barely in contact but if she stands in front of my door I can't send her away. It doesn't happen often thankfully. But the guilt-trips in my own mind, I know all about it and it remains a tough situation. The thing is, I have one condition for contact. It needs to be very healthy and equal. For the last years I barely experienced the healthy side. When I opened up after a long time of (my chosen) distance at first there was respect, but then, Bam, disregard for my boundaries. It's up to her to prove responsibility and respect. But for now my heart is closed. I can't tell you what to do. No contact at all, or extremely little or very well thought of. It's up to you. What you really need and want is most important. The foundation will be your worth. You get to decide how you want to be treated. You can explain this and see if it's met, if not, choose your own conclusions/consequences. I understand this is hard. But always remember you are the one in charge of your life.
Thank you so much for your input, I really appreciate it. I think I'm going to cut off all contact completely, unless I can't avoid him.
I have the same situation as you I have been abused by my father he also divorced my mother three years ago and am forced to talk to him so that our family can survive so he wants to have sex with me in exchange for money for my family to survive and until now that's my situation, but what I can tell you don't ever feel guilty for not talking to him just forgive him and move on with your life I know it's hard because he is your father but your life matters more, you have a bright future and alot to accomplish so when that circle continue u get hurt and discouraged so what I can advise you forgive him in your heart and block , and you may ask me how I do it I pray to God 🙏 and life continues
Thank you for sharing. I have been praying and I just heard my pastor talk about how Jesus stood up to abuse, so I'm going to stand up for myself and stop seeing him and talking to him completely. You're right, my life is very important so I need to keep myself safe.