What to do when family is negligent
I'm currently at a loss. My siblings and I live vastly different lives and we all live pretty scattered. There's a clear emotional distance going on between us, and with the exception of one sibling, I mostly feel like a stranger around them whenever the family came together. Most interactions are generally superficial. Messages of mine that I sent to them are left on read. I once tried professing to my two oldest siblings about the narcissistic abuse, hoping that maybe we could confide in each other since they too went through the same and cut our abuser off, but only my second oldest sibling gave a response of wishing me good luck in finding help. The nature of it was more of what a stranger would say.
Despite having five siblings I strongly feel their apathy and therefore feel so alone. But I don’t know if it's time to cut most of them off.
@OceanSoughs
I can hear and feel your pain in your words. I understand, I have a pretty distant family myself. Also went through trauma in earlier years at home. I almost think that it is how they escape the memories of the past, the distance makes it less personal and real maybe? I don't know, but it does hurt and I feel it too.
The conclusion I came to is that if I want things to be different, I have to put the work in because they really just will not make the effort. I kind of settled for that because otherwise it just hurt too much to make efforts and have them ignored. So I stay in touch, but have zero expectations. I don't invite them places or make plans because it feels worse when they are not interested.
I think the important thing is to do what makes you feel best. If not communicating is what you need to do for your own peace of mind, then that is what you do. If staying in touch and leaving it as is (mostly one-sided) that is ok too. There is no right or wrong answer because your happiness is what matters most.
I wish we could change the people who share blood with us, but unfortunately, we cannot pick our family. Use your energy to surround yourself with other people who love and appreciate you. And never let them make you feel that you are not important, you are amazing❤️
@OceanSoughs
It took me decades to realize that my siblings and I scattered and disconnected with each other because we triggered each other. We had a horrible, violent childhood and we are all reeling from it decades later. We reminded each other of all the horrible violent events we dealt with on a daily basis. And it was too much to face. I just recently started sifting through so many events I was in denial about. ( In therapy) ..I see how difficult it's going to be to connect with my siblings because they are so dysfunctional. It's not healthy for me to have a relationship with them. I have my own family now and try hard to break the cycle and find love with them.
I'm still trying to figure it all out.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation. Your not alone . Best always ABB 💜
