emotional domestic violence, is that a thing?

In therapy I have been trying to stay on a path of healing but that has required a revision of my 'picture perfect' family. I don't remember what we were discussing but it had to do with my home life. My therapist was doing some sort of assessment I believe. She asked if there were ever things thrown in my household out of anger. I said yes but they, my parents, never hit each other or me. She said that was still considered domestic violence even more so when i admitted that often when they began arguing i would hide in my closet or when my brother came around I'd play games or whatever with him with music on to avoid hearing them. Now to me this was normal. in fact it wasn't until i got an inside look at my youth pastor and his wife's relationship that I even realized my parents relationship was unhealthy. Still after this I didn't see any problems with how I was raised. Then I got into therapy and my therapist said my father was emotionally abusive, I thought she was wrong because evn though my father threw insults towards me all the time he always ended with ,'just kidding' or if what he said visibly upset me ' geez can't you take a joke'. I see it more clearly now, a year later. And yes therapy has helped quite a bit with changing my perspective but a big part of it has come through a family that i know through church (i volunteer with youth) I babysit for them, well more so I go over so the 12 yr old, the eldest has a break from being an adult for a while. I hate that the mother treats the 12 yr old like an adult and even depends on her to be one. That is so freaking wrong. but wait that's exactly how I was raised so if its not ok for this girl then maybe it wasn't ok for me either. There have been other instances that have been similar including the parents yelling at each other. the 12 yr old admitted to me that when they really start arguing she takes the other two in the bedroom and turns the tv up so they dont hear it all. my heart ached upon hearing this, I thought, they don't deserve to be put through that and in came the thought of, well if they don't then neither did you. Anyway I'm getting better at not glazing over my home life but its still in progress. Guess that's it for now. Thanks for listening.