DID, need help with getting organized and self expression.
Hello I am a system of around 20 known/mapped out active alters.
I need help with getting organized in life.
I feel like I cannot be candid about my struggles with anyone, no one in real life has ever cared and I have never found a listener here who I feel comfortable with or who understands.
I have been on my own when it comes to supporting any aspect of my struggles as a system, with communication, mapping or whatever else.
It's difficult to stay unbiased in allotting schedules, mapping times or just selecting/going for activities which I like.
I want to give all of my alters a space in society, online or offline, but I haven't been able to do so.
Whenever I try to, things get disorganized, dissociation becomes worse and I get anxious about what I should do what I shouldn't.
I want to give everyone space because moving on in life I want to carry all parts of me with me, having some social space, making friends and sharing interests, will definitely make me feel more whole.
I do not wish to disclose I have DID to people in real life, I did try to with my old friends but no one understood or cared, it did not go well or even mediocre, it was bad.
I felt more scrutinized, had to close up more, it made self expression impossible.
So now I want to make spaces online for everyone separately.
For the last two years I haven't been on any social media nor did I have a phone, so yes I have to start everything ground up. Which is fine I prefer it that way.
Everything is so confusing and main sites like in-sta which I find easier to use and organize only allows 5 accounts on a device, or more but not sure about it and I will have to logout and login again and again if I do that.
I feel very lost and uncomfortable in new spaces, but I'm willing to try social medias or spaces which might be nice and allow for all sorts of self expression.
I also cannot decide what kind of self expression is fine, should we have a code for all alters to follow (which I have right now, to behave in a concrete way in public) or should each alter decide how they want to self express, share problems/traumas or not on their own ID's, should ID's be accessible to all alters, should spaces be prohibited to some alters.
Can other systems please tell me how they themselves express each alter, how they organize their schedules and social medias?
@Orihara Hey :) tbh this is hard to do. Here we have some simple basic rules we try to follow. Bedtimes and things that have to be done. Chores and stuff. But yet everyone likes to get out every once in a while. I say it's hard because theres only so many hours in the day and the body needs to rest. Maybe a meeting between everyone would give you an idea of where to start. They can tell you what they're interested in. Somethings might take more time then other things. Like here we have one that likes to cook so - he needs time for whatever he wants to make. Time for any littles out takes careful consideration because of safety concerns
I commend you for wanting to do this because I've been trying for over a year to get some form of organization and tbh - sometimes I feel like I have no life of my own but we're still going through alot of - well - bs with therapy and we don't all get along all the time and then there's the trouble makers
If any want to write here and interact with people you could have everyone pick a different text color or they could sign with and initial or even an emoji. We have one who uses paw prints to sign. The littles dont come here but there are places that have chat rooms that they can interact with other littles or if they express themselves with memes or if they draw they could take a picture and share them here. What ever is comfortable for them and you - because you have to have time for you too
I wish you alot of luck. I hope you'll keep us posted on how things are going
@mytwistedsoul
I do need to focus on communication and asking them their needs.
I'm sorry you feel like you have no life of your own, that is a difficult feeling, I hope the bs with therapy resolves soon.
It's nice at times to have your own time between chores and let others out, I guess that makes a fulfilled day?
Thank you for sharing your concerns and experiences. I can see how beneficial following bedtime rules and such is.
It's true that there are only a few hours a day and perhaps not enough to let everyone out.
With littles it's so difficult to decide the space due to safety concerns for sure.
They of course want the same privileges as everyone, have their own account and friends, and I understand that they are not happy with having nothing and only getting to post things on other peoples(Alters) pages.
At the same time regulating any hurt and the resulting anger from when littles encounter negative situations is just too much and I kind of shut it down I guess, I just didn't want to deal with anything anymore. So yeah I need a balance and ways to regulate anger issues.
Giving them a space and individuality with emoji and colors is a nice idea.
That difficulty with having time to yourself does exist and it's a good reminder to have.
The one year you've spend on organization is valuable, I guess with time you grow in experiences and are better able to manage the time and recognize your own individual needs, identifying the thought that you don't feel like you have a life is also beneficial in knowing how to proceed. I hope you give yourself time too.
well this also assures me that no schedule is perfect kind of and there needs to be some flexibility and perhaps less rigidity, as things do take different amounts of time.
Thank you for your well wishes and validation of my struggles. Online it feels like everyone has it so together and organized, I will try to keep updating things here.
@Orihara
Dear Orihara:
I have nothing to add to the exhaustive, systematic, clear, and instructive answer by @mytwistedsoul I agree 100% with all they say.
Signing posts with alter names could be easy and useful. I have seen this done and it helps.
Regarding online life, there are many specialized communities for every interest. Reddit has communities for everything. HERE there is one for people that like cooking, as an example relevant to @mytwistedsoul post.
There are communities in and out of Reddit for all kinds of interests; writing, visual arts, spirituality, science, running... you name it.
There are safe communities for little ones, like Club Penguin HERE. More complex ones: HERE
Maybe this could be a resource to diversify online life, strengthen the individuality of each alter, and help each one develop their unique potential.
All the best !
Marcelo
@WelcomeToChat
I will check them out
Thank you
@Orihara
Hi, I am our host, writing to you for now,
Agree how horrible it ends up with attempting/trying to explain or let anyone in life know about our DID. They just do not have to capability to understand it all and we can not help someone understand something they are really not capable of understanding.
Know well how it drives people in life away for various reasons. For us, I, with the help of some other alters help to try to avoid letting anyone know, if it can be helped.
Agree that is it unsafe to allow the younger ones to be out and not also be helped to be safe, kind of supervised and guided by a few others alters more helpful for this for us. It can be dangerous both at home and away from home for them to be out, more other, older alters are out.
know how hard it is sometimes when many are out and all want what they want at that time. For ex., it is often very difficult to get the body dressed with clothes that all out at the time will feel alright accepting.
It is hard online, as we often usually have one alter that will write for many. Others do come out a lot within writing. Many like their own colors and fonts also, and sometimes they even like changes in their choices of colors and fonts, depending on how each is feeling at the time.
With our alter that usually writes for others and will share what they sometimes are feelings or wanting to say, it does get tangled up a lot with others sometimes coming more upfront in the middle of it. When that happens, if just happens of course. With usually many allowing the alter that writes for others to write for them usually, it provides more safety for most all of us, when and if someone reads any of it. It is still a safety way for us, still.
Agree that there is not time for all to have a part in each day and night. We also go with more flexibility. Flexibility is a big. Often, some alters want to be out more strongly than others and we will allow for this. Sometimes, many out at the same time, with sharing communication is also nice. The 2 youngest ones do feel differently, as they do not understand lots that we all have to cooperate with to help everything work more smoothly for life, as best as is possible. The 2 younger ones just want, think and function with their childish feelings, and most of us know this and that is why a they are more looked after.
We have given up trying to explain any of this to anyone. For our host, who I am now writing for as she let me come to you, has about 27 years of all different kinds of abuse, beginning in early childhood. For anyone to really understand all this and believe it, it is useless, just useless. it cannot be put into any one category or anything. trained people cannot grasp it all.
We know it is not safe to even write here. but for you we are trying.
Marcelo is alright and most know this. it is best for us to keep to ourselves as best as we all can manage this. others are here now in the back also and wish to speak to you, but am doing best to not allow it. yes, they are getting upset. others having many different ideas now. got to make us all leave now...to much chaos inside about it all
