Phobia of inner experiences - Could be triggering so please use caution
Overcoming the phobia of inner experience
Our inner experience is that which we think, feel, remember, perceive, sense, decide, plan and predict. These experiences are mental actions, or mental activity. Mental activity may or may not be accompanied by behavioural actions.Over time it is important that you become aware of, learn to tolerate and regulate and even change major mental actions that affect your current life, such as negative beliefs, feelings or reactions to the past that interfere with the present. However, its impossible to change inner experiences if youre avoiding them because youre afraid, ashamed or disgusted by them. Serious avoidance of your inner experiences is called experiential avoidance.
Understanding the Phobia of Inner Experience
Most people think of phobias as a fear of something external e.g. spiders. But some people can be equally terrified of a feeling like rage or sadness. Or a thought or wish, or a prediction that if they try something new theyll fail, or even of physical sensations such as the rapid heartbeat and difficulty breathing that accompanies panic. Such a phobia of inner experience may involve shame or disgust in addition to fear. The phobia of inner experience is a serious problem, contributing to ongoing psychological stress and inhibition of pleasanter spontaneous activities.
For example, people may be intensely ashamed of rage because they believe that emotion could only belong to a ‘bad person or they fear the consequences of expressing it. Instead of feeling rage and dealing with it, they increase their misery by giving themselves negative labels. Their miserys therefore compounded. Subsequently they avoid anger and situations that might evoke anger and when they feel angry they recoil in shame and disgust. Others may have fantasies of being cared for, yet feel very afraid and ashamed of these wishes because they have negative beliefs that being needy or dependant is weak and not normal. Again, this creates more inner distress and prevents them from accepting important needs.
Many people with a dissociative disorder are afraid of inner voices that come from other parts of themselves. They label themselves as ‘crazy and feel ashamed and afraid of these voices. Such feelings are often intensified if they have been labelled psychotic or ‘crazy by mental health professionals who did not understand the dissociative nature of the voices.
Some inner experiences may feel so threatening that almost any means of escape may be used, no matter how destructive. Maybe you stay very busy so memories dont have time to surface. Other avoidance behaviours include drugs or alcohol or other addictive behaviour, increasing self-criticism, withdrawing from others or blaming others for your inner problems. You may avoid it so much that you dont view it as your experience.
Avoidance can be conscious or unconscious.
Why People Develop a Phobia of Inner Experience
Generally the phobia of inner experience develops for three reasons.
First, many traumatized individuals did not get sufficient help dealing with intense inner experiences. They received too little help an reassurance from caretakers. Thus, they feel easily overwhelmed, simply because they do not understand these experiences and feel they arent controllable.
Second, people tend to evaluate their internal experiences as ‘good or ‘bad. They go on to label themselves the same way: ‘Anger is bad so Im bad; ‘only people who are unlovable feel shame, so Im unlovable. Our inner experiences are not what make us good or bad, they are just a natural part of everyones world.
Finally, certain inner experiences remind us of past traumatic experiences or as signals that something bad is about to happen. For example, when people, or a dissociative part of themselves, feel anxious, the emotion and physical sensations may immediately remind them, even if only on an unconscious level, of the fear they felt when they were being hurt in the past. They thus try to avoid feeling anxious so as not to be reminded of unresolved traumatic memories. Others might perceive an inner experience as a signal that something is about to go wrong. For example someone who feels sad may believe this emotion precedes an overwhelming experience of despair. Therefore, sadness is avoided to prevent the other difficult experience from occurring. The paradox is that what is fearfully anticipated would not likely take place if the present feeling of sadness is accepted and calmly experienced.
The Need to overcome the phobia of Inner Experience
Healing requires you to work with these inner experiences in order to understand and change them. And you cant change that which you avoid or do not know. Although it may be difficult, it is important for you to learn to accept, understand, regulate and cope with all your inner experiences. They have got reason to exist and shouldnt be judged as ‘good or bad. Everyone has inner experiences and if youre able to tolerate them you can learn from them and what to do about them. Otherwise you remain captive to inner experience with it controlling you. Over time, with support, you can be supported to accept your inner experiences without judgement
Homework Sheet 5.1 - From the book Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation
Each day this week try to notice a time when you consciously avoid some type of inner experience. You dont have to make yourself stop avoiding it, but just notice what youre avoiding and under what circumstances you avoid it. For example, perhaps you want to avoid a feeling of anger, a thought that things are hopeless, or the sound of a dissociative part crying or criticising you.
Name one inner experience (thought, emotion, sensation, memory, fantasy etc.) of which you are a little afraid or ashamed. Imagine putting this fear or shame on a scale between 1 and 10 with 1 being very little and 10 being very much. Choose an experience thats closer to 1 or 2, so that you will not get overwhelmed.
Complete the following questions for each day of the week:
1. What inner experience did you avoid or want to avoid?
2. What were your beliefs or concerns as to what might happen if you allowed yourself to accept that inner experience?
3. What did you do to avoid this experience?
4. What help or resources do you imagine might help in order for you to be less avoidant of this experience?
@dancingRainbow45
hey there! this was really informative and i'm sure a lot of people will be able to benefit from this :) thank you so much for sharing!
@windflowers Your very welcome, hope it was of some use :)
Thank you.. this is V helpful.. I am just trying to make sense of things. So much doesn't.. I am trying to identify.. I am scared to go further into any emotions really .. anger bring a huge part..
@energeticPenny8 Emotions can be really scary especially anger and anger is often seen as a negative emotion in society but feeling angry is fine, its an emotion and emotions themselves cannot hurt you or anyone. Its what people do with those emotions that determine if they are damaging. Im glad you found this post helpful When working through issues it can feel like a mindfield trying to work out what to feel, what to make sense of etc.
Thanks so much for sharing this... "Phobia of inner experiences"... It is such an illuminating term that is so very descriptive and helpful. I relate to the things written. In fact, there was a kind of relief as I read about it, in feeling less alone. Thanks so much!
1. What inner experience did you avoid or want to avoid?
Being abandoned and rejected.
2. What were your beliefs or concerns as to what might happen if you allowed yourself to accept that inner experience?
Feeling of intense shame, self-hatred, self-disgust, blame, guilt, self doubt, skin crawling, feels like dying, melting inside or self imploding, feel crazy... while simultaneously also feeling the other persons judgement, hatred of me, disappointments, disgust and I keep hearing and experiencing that persons criticism of me like in a loop my mind i cant get out of... and how ive probably harmed them or hurt them or scarred them for life.....feels like a loop of emotional and mental self-torture and self-recrimination.
3. What did you do to avoid this experience?
People pleased and tried to do everything that would make a friend not reject and abandon me. Tried to be perfect, to be nice, to be indispensable, sometimes to the point of feeling like a servant...
4. What help or resources do you imagine might help in order for you to be less avoidant of this experience?
Just stopped doing what i did that I wasn't authentically willing to do and just out of people pleasing. I started saying no, and worked with a therapist on how to set boundaries and say no. I started to take risks and allow people to reject or dislike me for who i am, and began to speak my truth and see where chips fall... Some people left, some stayed.... Now I am beginning to see I am worthy of more than just serving others... i am worthy of being the authentic me that god made, and people are free to choose to be with me or not, and its okay....🧸
it made sense in my head but I didn't get it in my heart or soul. Its still something I work on daily and moment to moment.
This is really interesting and something I'll have to think about.
cw: self harm and suicide ideation mention
The previous host wanted to avoid anything and everything to do with the "past" (they even found the word "past" to be too much). They avoided their hobbies, their interests, their skills and what they were good at, their search for professional help, certain sensory experiences, many different kinds of emotions, their personal belongings, and etc. They would get severe nausea and stomach pain (they thought for sure if they continued they would throw up), panic attacks, dissociation, and what they called "emotional flashbacks" (probably different alters). They would explain they would "rip their skin off" before going near whatever they were avoiding, and at one point described it as an "echo" threatening to mutilate them (likely a persecutor). They tried to explain it was too dangerous for them to confront their "triggers" haphazardly even though they were told over and over to "push outside their comfort zone." They thought being suicidal was a perfectly rational response (not depressive), and as much as they desperately longed for it, they were convinced they could never take anything "back."
They felt they needed to "piece together the puzzle" little by little with others' support without being forced to confront. Now that I'm here, I guess the missing pieces that tied much of it together was DID. Reflecting after the fact, they were probably coming into direct conflict with trauma holders and persecutors. They always had to "hide things from [themself]" using techniques such as spoiler tags and friends "translating." They might have been a collection of larger fragments with OSDD.
As for me, I don't know if I avoid any inner experiences. I'm not very... diverse. I don't have many experiences, relationships, interests, motives, or memories, and my primary function is to just take care of everything.
It seems this post is very old... but if there is still any kind of DID group, I would like to join.
I hope it is not too late to reply to this. It was a very helpful post and I think I related to the act of avoidance talked about in it.
1. What inner experience did you avoid or want to avoid?
I think I have been avoiding alot of things. I do not want to associate with our birth name or our childhood. I guess that is an act of avoidance. I have been avoiding a part that has been having spontaneous crying spells. It is unfair of me that I have been avoiding it. It is causing alot of inner conflict and I have less experience in handling such things as compared to the previous host.
2. What were your beliefs or concerns as to what might happen if you allowed yourself to accept that inner experience?
I'm afraid that if I allow myself to accept the inner expeinces, it will be too upsetting for me and I might not know how to manage it. I think I might be the only part who can experience 'happiness.' It just scares me to allow myself to accept or confront the inner experiences.
3. What did you do to avoid this experience?
If it feels too much and I can't handle it, I rub ice on my arms or sribble on papers. Idk why I tend to do that, other than it gives me sense of comfort.
4. What help or resources do you imagine might help in order for you to be less avoidant of this experience?
I need to be more accepting of the other parts' trauma. I need to help us heal and be less avoidant. I need to confront things rather than run away.
