4th time experiencing domestic abuse, it has to be my fault at this point

The first time, when I was teenager my stepmom had started to hit me when my dad wasn’t around. One time, we got in an argument and she punched me in the face. I guess to get my dad to believe her, she called the cops and told them I beat her up. My dad got there and believed my side. the cops came and I explained what happened and they started screaming and cursing at me and saying they would take me to jail if I kept lying. They charged me with domestic assault and her with nothing. She stole my phone and other belongings in the following weeks and harassed me in different ways, I guess because she was mad that I messed up her marriage.

The second time, my roommate outed me to my family as trans. She swore it was accident, and I believed her then. 6 months later, she didn’t like that I was eating out of one of her dishes, so she crawled on top of me while I was laying in bed and bit me until she drew blood. Her friend watched and did nothing, then taunted me about it afterwards. She called the cops (I have no idea why) who charged us both with disturbing the peace even though I was the only one who had any injuries.

The third time, I moved in with another trans person because I didn’t feel safe living with cis people anymore. She was struggling financially and “vaguely” threatened to kill herself to get me to pay her rent. I did for two months, and she owes me $850 now. She encouraged me to borrow money from my dad and take money out of what my dead mom left me. She started saying things like no one cares about me enough to be around me, etc etc. I was going to go on a date with a girl and before I could, she found her contact information and invited her over and slept with her to make me upset. She told me she would look after my cat for three days, then gave him little to no food/water during that time and laughed at me when I got upset. I told her I couldn’t pay her rent anymore and she said I didn’t care about her life and was kicking her out on the street. After this, I was constantly worried about her and asking if she was going to hurt herself, and she just got mad at me. She’s very well-known and loved in the area. Everyone only knows her good side. I constantly think about how she tells people about me like I’m a funny story (she described doing this multiple times).

The fourth time (2 months ago), I moved in with a bipolar roommate who was going through psychosis and acting very paranoid. He started stealing my things and I didn’t want to confront him because he seemed very unstable. So I just decided to move out. He pushed me to tell him why I was moving out, so I told him and asked him to please not contact me anymore. He started spamming me with messages and yelling at me after I locked myself in my room. I had my partner over and he told them how I was a liar and I had also lied about the abuse I experienced before (the 2nd and 3rd instances, which I had mentioned to him). At one point, I walked into his room to retrieve an item he stole from me, and he held me down and strangled me. He only stopped when I started recording. I called the cops and showed them the video which clearly showed him strangling me, and they told me it was my fault because I was trying to upset him on purpose. He had no injuries and they had to call EMS for me because I had marks on my throat and was hoarse. They charged us both with disturbing the peace and left. After this, my roommate continued to mock me and tell me I had lied about every instance of “abuse” I experienced. I snapped and attacked him. I’ve never done that before. Not anything like that. He called the cops and I didn’t talk to them so they put me in handcuffs. They were going to arrest me until my brother convinced them not to if he brought me to sleep somewhere else for the night.

For the next few weeks, I lived with my dad and stepmom, who shoved me, screamed at me, performed exorcisms on me (I’m not joking), made weird comments about me being trans, and told my dad that the abuse was my fault. I’m living alone now and my dad is paying my rent because I can’t find a job. He wants me to move back in with him and my stepmom but obviously I can’t. He pretends not to understand why.

I don’t have the energy to write much more. Everything feels so surreal. Every time I recount any of this to anyone, I feel like I’m lying. Both because I feel like it’s my fault and because it sounds too insane to be true.