CPTSD directly related to the school not wanting a disabled kid
I have no idea where this even goes but I am 2E/gifted-disabled/twice exceptional.
The school convinced themselves that having coordination problems = "***". It got worse from there.
Gas lighting, abuse, basically being taught to believe that only by devoting my entire existance to "passing" for normal did I deserve to exist.
Gems such as "anyone willing to be friends with the real you, isn't worthy of being your friend."
I now know I also have ADHD - they decided that was the same thing as psychotic.
Discipline involved threatening to send me to a mental institution where I "belonged".
I spent my entire childhood miserable, thinking I wasn't even allowed to be happy; that If something actually made me happy I should just assume I was doing something wrong because my feelings were always suspect. I thought I was doomed a life of constant stress because if I ever lost control I would somehow become a monster.
It's like they pushed and pushed and pushed - like the goal was to create trauma and mental illness.
They claimed I fit some profile so I needed "tough love" and to be "broken" because people like me were a danger to society but they would seal my record ( I didn't even have a record with the law and I wasn't actually bad kid) when I turned 18 but then they would no longer be able to "protect" me.
I know now it was gas lighting and abuse but it still hurts - they left me so much trauma and even the act of looking for help is traumatic as they weaponized mental health against me. And even those few good resources I've found aren't really about this kind of trauma.
I am looking for a support group for those who have been through things like this - maybe we can help each other.
There is a recurring theme that I have frequently noticed over the past several years involving forced diagnoses with any who seek just to get a voluntary evaluation performed. I have also noticed when one diagnosis made does not hold relevance to their patients actually health history they quickly provide a differing diagnosis without any factual basis consistent with any mental, psychological conditions. Of course their focus is to prescribe and administer medications even going as far as to force such medication without cause simply to adhere to the contractual obligations with pharmaceutical companies who definitely supercede priority over patients when it comes to the healthcare industry. I have absolutely zero confidence in the medications developed and administered to treat psychopathy, schizophrenia, depression, bipolar and many other diagnosed conditions. Granted that is a very educated opinion yet still an opinion. While I do feel it is most important to strive to be our best self, it is also important to know our limitations and not push harder than we can personally handle. Trauma is tricky, especially trauma pertaining to threats of and actually being subjected to the very dangerous and often misinformed psychiatric facilities across the United States. Using predatory practices to forcefully retain patients for as long as possible to generate more revenue is priority with such places as that is how industry is. Privatized healthcare is simply greed and profit driven as opposed to being primarily focused on the overall health and most accurate determinations of what is truly causing any issues of concern with a patient. While I do hope you are coping with the trauma you have highlighted I will also offer to listen further on a one to one basis if necessary. As far as a group goes, there are many who frequent the forums with similar experiences and some would likely be interested in joining. Sharing Circle is also a great place to go with such notions.