Cancer and stress
Two years ago, when I finally reached my peace of mind, my father was diagnosed the first cancer. In only two years I saw the decay of my family.
After the first medical therapy, things seemed to be improving. My dad faced the first cancer with optimism and strenght, as the strong and brave man he is, always on the move. We built our home together in the years.
After the last medical visit, we organized a welcome party at home.
Fews months later, his health went down. So we went back to the hospital and we discovered a second cancer, more aggressive and rare then the first. He is a professional musician, and he made his passion his life job. But this time, doctors said that he can't play music or sing probably anymore. This thing killed his mind.
He's now depressed and sad, weaker then the first time. My mom got depression too, and my brother got panic attacks. In the last two years, I slept in hospitals, I cooked for my mom and for my brother, did all the household chores, burned my savings in medicines, visits and grocery. Some months ago I quit my good job because my family need me, they have only me, and I started a part time job. I was living between hospitals and home. Meanwhile I tried to continue my master studies, with few positive results.
I feel death inside, I also have no time and no mental resources to do my hobbies. Some days ago my dog passed away, and this was icing on the cake. I feel confused, stressed, my mental health is constantly on the rocks. I see my relatives crying each day, and I show myself always positive, my empathy is like a knife for me.
I'm still standing but every day I feel like I could fall into madness.
@Rockin95 Hello Rockin, or should I say 'Bedrock' as you're the sole foundation supporting everything around you right now. There are so many places I could start, but I want firstly to express my condolences on the recent loss of your dog. Losing our pets is its own unique form of heartbreak. I am sorry to hear of the amount of family stress you're under, with your dad's diagnosis and your mother and brother also struggling. Realistically you sound like a solo act; with your other relatives unable to provide emotional backup it's no surprise that every day feels increasingly like a descent into madness, as you're putting on a front of positivity for everyone else's sake. What support are you and your family getting at this time? Are you in contact with any cancer support services or online support groups? What accommodations are you receiving with your Master's studies - have you spoken to student services? This is, as you know, a recipe for burnout if you continue to try to go it alone. it's a time when you need hobbies to help decompress yet you acknowledge you can't pursue them. I've linked below to a growth path for preventing burnout among caregivers in MDS cases - this type of cancer may not be specific to your dad, but the general principles will still apply. I know that reaching out is hard when you've always had to do everything on your own but please don't feel that you're alone with this from hereonin, Rockin.
https://www.7cups.com/path/playlist/caring-for-your-loved-one-with-mds/
