Challenging the Pressure to Be Strong: Breaking the Resilience Myth

I want to challenge a narrative I often see here, in mental health support spaces, and beyond: the constant emphasis on being “strong” or “resilient.”

Labelling people as “strong” creates an unfair hierarchy. Those who continue to struggle are labelled “weak” or “not trying hard enough.” This is inaccurate and deeply harmful. Trauma is not a matter of strength or weakness, it’s the result of enduring experiences that no one should have to face.

The phrase “what doesn’t k*ll you makes you stronger” is false. Scientific research shows that trauma often causes lasting psychological and physical damage, including PTSD, chronic illness, and other long-term vulnerabilities. This cliché is frequently used to excuse inaction — to avoid addressing systemic violence, abuse, and injustice that cause trauma in the first place. It wrongly suggests that pain and suffering are necessary or beneficial, which is untrue and profoundly unjust. This mindset is toxic because it forces survivors to prove their worth by “getting stronger” instead of demanding safety and support.

The concept of “resilience” is often misused to ignore or downplay material hardships and systemic injustices that many face, including poverty, discrimination, abuse, and lack of access to healthcare. These challenges cannot be overcome simply by “mental toughness.” This dismisses the reality of people’s suffering and prevents honest discussions about the true difficulty of their lives.

No one is inherently strong or weak. We are all human beings trying to survive in an unfair and brutal world. Instead of idolizing “strength,” we must create spaces that recognize pain, respect personal limits, support healing, and provide care without judgment. At the same time, we must work together to address root causes, demand justice, and build safer, more equitable societies.

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