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Do i have trauma?

User Profile: turquoiseSail4953
turquoiseSail4953 March 11th

Hello all. I am 17 and because of a physical altercation with my grandmother, i moved away this January to live with my mother.

From the day I was born, my grandparents had custody. My grandmother would always yell at me and get upset quickly, or just straight up ignore me when I was trying to speak with her. This did nothing but cause be harm as I grew up. I never really felt supported by her, she also always told me that my mother wanted me to be a boy so she didn't like me and it caused a strain with my mother as a result. 

My mother neglected our dogs when my grandparents took me to live in a different state in 2015 which resulted in one being permanently disabled caused by an ear infection that never was treated. Eventually we were able to get them with us, but the same dog was then put down without giving me a chance to say goodbye by my grandparents. I have never been the same since. I never healed from this and I still miss her very much. She was all I had when I was going through mental struggles.

My first romantic relationship was terrible, and left an impact on how i process and act which is something my grandmother made about herself. She is never wrong and if you tell her otherwise she deems herself as "the worst person ever" and it'd be better if she wasn't around because you don't want her around. She made an attempt I made on my life about herself, saying her heart was broken into a million pieces. 

I began to pull away and found myself getting upset easier when she wouldn't listen to me. This led to a lot of arguments between us. Most recent being the one where I exploded saying everything that I do is not a result of my relationship and that I've felt this way long before that relationship had begun. This caused her to scream and put her hands on me.

I struggle with holding relationships because if I feel like someone is walking over me, I can't stand for it and I end up losing that relationship. This has caused me to hop houses frequently over the past year. I believe I have anger issues and potentially something else underlying because of how easily I am ticked off and need space for days sometimes just to cool down.

Could this be a result of trauma?


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User Profile: colorfulPanda8664
colorfulPanda8664 March 13th

@turquoiseSail4953

Hi. I can’t tell you whether you have trauma, that’s something a professional would need to help you figure out. But everything you described sounds like experiences that can leave really deep emotional marks. Being yelled at, ignored, blamed, physically hurt, losing a pet without closure, and having your feelings turned against you… those are all things that can shape how you react and how safe you feel in relationships. Nothing about your reactions sounds ‘random’ or like you’re broken. They sound like someone who’s had to deal with a lot on their own for a long time.
If you ever want to talk more about it, I’m around.💛