Hi everyone I am new here can someone help me with this

We are now 3 years together. I am 46M two months away from my partner 30F we have been arguing two days ago. Last messages she told me she wanted to talk and I am not listening and that she wants to kill her self. I tried to talk to her patient, but I was angry because she lied to me many times before. I tried to text her and call her but she didn’t answer. We discussed already many times and I told her that we have to talk also if it is stressful. She apologized always 

My girlfriend lied to me on the beginning of our relationship 46M 30F

She told me after 4 months on the beginning she have mental health problems and that she sometimes cutting herself with knife. And reason is because her previous relationship and family. But before this and on the beginning of our relationship she lied to me many times. She was texting with her ex and was lying it is her friend. After I pushed her but really kindly she told me it is her ex. I asked her to show me the messages but she deleted it and showed me only two photos that she also sends to me. One photo of her cat and another with baby of her friend. But she didn’t want to have a baby that what she told me. I don’t have a problem with that.

I told her if she wants to stay with me she must stop doing it. She agreed to and blocked his contact. After that it was a colleague from her work. She also showed me the messages and there was a emoji with hard, and I even didn’t want to read all that stuff. She apologized again and told me she will stop. Than she did that again and told me it is not her but him who is sending the messages. After a year one morning she received a message from some unknown number "how are you my darling with heart emoji". I asked her who it is she told me that she don't know. I was always somebody or something that was going to our relationship. She always apologized and I forgive her many times.

But I have a feeling she still lies to me. And using the cutting herself only because she wants to manipulate me.

Can she change and be fair ? Can I believe her? 

I am here and don't have someone else to talk also because different time zone and she don't respond to me. I am afraid if she is ok. It is not the first time.

I feel under pressure. She supported me first months but then something changed and last time she called I didn't react well, but not really bad.

I always took her back. I tried to stop her cutting herself many times. Told her we have to talk and talk that's important. She always apologized and told me she didn't want to hurt me that she loves me and needs time to solve it. But then it became more often and she also started to send me photos of cutting herself and started to blame me that it is because we argue. I really tried to be kind but in the moment when she really started to telling me that I am happy that she is hurting herself I became angry. It becomes more often and if I asked her that she should tell me that to her parents sehe refused and told me it is also because of them. I don't know what should I or can do. Now I am i V away and feel stressed. I feel it is not fair from her but I also could be nicer. I only told her that she lied to me and that I can't trust her and she is only talking about things and don't want to talk in real. But I control my emotions many times before and I know I could do it again and better. But after all that and even more. Can someone tell me the opinion. I would be very grateful. Thank you