Hoping to heal
Recently I found out I was manipulated into doing things that were framed as okay when they weren’t and I’ve been going through so much worry over it. Even to this day I still feel guilt but my parents told me I was tricked into things and I’m not sure this counts as SA or not but what happened to me was definitely that sort of subject. I feel broken and like my life is completely ruined. This happened when I was 14-16 and I realize most of my teenage years were wasted on that. I’ve been talking with counselors for a while but things still feel dark. I’m hoping everything gets better soon but right now I’m not sure where to go
It is incredibly heavy to carry the confusion and guilt of realizing you were manipulated, especially during such formative years like 14-16. When a teenager is tricked into things by someone who frames it as 'okay,' the responsibility and the guilt belong entirely to the manipulator, never to the person who was deceived.
The feeling that your teenage years were wasted or that your life is ruined is a very real, heavy grief. But please know that processing trauma is incredibly dark and non-linear, even when you are doing everything right, like talking to counselors. You aren't broken beyond repair; your mind is just processing a massive violation of trust.
A piece of advice: try to allow yourself to grieve those years without letting them dictate your entire future. Healing doesn't mean fixing everything instantly or feeling better right away; sometimes it just means surviving the dark days and taking things one single day at a time.