I constantly desire affection from older men/women

TW:SA, p**ophilia, parental abuse

Hi guys, this is my first post here so I'm sorry if I don't format the thread correctly. Additionally, I apologise if I make any spelling or grammatical mistakes since English isn't my first language.

I feel like every aspect of my life has led to me being this mess. My parents have always been strict about my grades and it's always made me feel that their love for me was conditional, that if I didn't get good grades they wouldn't love me. I would get scolded a lot when I got bad grades.

Also, my aunt has been a touchy person. That's the best way I can put it. She's also been very manipulative since she'd trick me by giving me gifts after she did all the things that she did.

Finally, being a bisexual person in a super homophobic household has only added to my problems. The threat of being kicked out if they find out is terrifying.

All of these have resulted in me being a hypersexual kid who seeks praise and sexual affection from much older people, and I'm disgusted by the things I've done in exchange for being loved.

Again, I'm sorry if I worded everything terribly, I just wanted to speak my feelings and thoughts freely.