I'm looking for help
Right now, I'm not feeling well. I have had suicide thoughts because I feel hopeless, I tried to reach some numbers of psychological help in my country but there are not functioning. I can speak some english so I think I can reach numbers from other countries in english but I don't know if it will be possible because of the country where I'm living right now. I don't have money to pay a psychologist (All my money goes to the university cuotes). If I had money obviously I would try to reach one. I tried to fill a form that could contact me with a psychologist but I have to wait, and see if I could discuss about the prices because I literally can't pay the services.
I just would like to know if I'm not the only one that tried for a lot of time (almost 8 years) to understand myself, trying to socialize with people and improve but it never gets better. It's my first time writing my own thread, I hope someone can relate with what I'm writing because I'm feeling alone right now and I don't want to be alone with my thoughts.
Right now I'm doing the inner child work with a book called "Healing your lost inner child" by Robert Jackman but right now I definitely don't have energy to make more letters from my younger self and my adult self.
In my mind pass that idea about how I can't connect with other people, specially women (romantic and sexually) and how other people can do that but at the same time how that could be happening because of trauma (because I can see how I lived a lot of bad things on my childhood, at least that's what I'm seeing right now after doing some exercises from the book I'm reading). I've never had a girlfriend and write this makes me feel kinda embarrased.
Think about a movie that I like, called "The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse" makes me feel safe, like just safe, and makes me want to cry, I don't know, I was thinking in watching it, I feel it helps me to just forget my problems for a moment.
That's hard, i feel like having hope even just a little no matter how alone you could be maybe slowing yourself down like delaying somethings...by what i know i think that baby steps have helped me. Like not totally giving up or writing stuff down, watching videos on this topic. I find that having an outlet helps i usually am sporty and write they help me a lot as well as just accepting instead of expecting.
In my country, in my school too i tried reaching out but our population is dense, government is corrupted it makes it hard..
Many of my peers are suicidal even well I've met quite a few. One of my friend, my only friend actually told me that no matter how harsh it may be work on accepting the things life has to give and see the positive side of it even if you may think there can't be. The smallest things count. Because i feel like when I or us maybe expect too much even if it's just help or clarity or support maybe we will get it but after we accept the circumstance we are in now. Maybe plan on how to navigate during the tough time, what tools could we use whether it's mindfulness or bashing a pillow against the wall.
I don't know if this made a difference but I hoped it helped ❤️
Get well soon 😊
Thanks for the answer. I thought nobody could reply. I think that's a good idea, have options about what to do in these times. I think a sport actually could help me, and keep writing. What sport do you practice? I have been practicing a bit of calisthenics because it is free.
I just run really. At first it was hard because the roads in my area aren't so great and people would mock me for running but it helps me feel great.
I watched some videos about running and how to get into it. Also meditating helps a lot as well even if it's 5min per day. There's an app called Sattva by Art of Living and it has a lot of guided meditations and stuff.
Yoga can help i usually do it when I want to move my body but don’t feel like running i just watch a video while copying how the do it.
As for the running sometimes my school hosts competitions every now and then so I win them sometimes since it's been a while that I've been training on my own.