I'm new and don't really know what to post but here it goes.

TW per say.

So um...when I was 5 my cousin tried to SA me. There was this trailer on my great grandma's property that he took me into and closed the door locking it with one of those bungie cords with the hooks because the door didn't have an actual lock on it but he was told not to close the door which he did after it was just me and him alone in the yard. There was a bunk bed and he helped me onto the top bunk where he had sat behind me having me lay my head on his lap while he looked at what i didn't know at the time was a hooters magazine that was his fathers (his father is the reason my cousin is a pervert because his father left prno mags around the house and prn on his computer where when it was opened everyone could see it but back to what i was saying). 

He had me lay my head on his lap while he slid his hand down my pants and underwear and stuck a finger into my female reproductive area and since I was 5 i didn't really know what he was doing but if I knew what I know now I would have mentioned it so much sooner. But as he stuck one of his fingers in me he started moving it and I didn't do anything because I didn't know. I felt him get hard I didn't know what was pressing against my head at the time so I didn't complain. I wish I told someone sooner because maybe if I did I wouldn't be so hypersexual. 

I've only told a few people about my hypersexuality and they've never judged me for it which I'm absolutely greatful for but I still wish I spoke up sooner because he tried having me show him my body 3 more times when I was 10 and now that im almost 18 and understand what he did I wish I could tell my 5 year old self to say something sooner and not to be scared because he wouldn't be able to hurt me again. But I think he might be the starting point for alot of my problems and alot of the things I'm into sexually. I know someone might relate because of the SA posts I've seen in here before but I sometimes just feel like I have no one to relate to. 

I never really felt normal until my boyfriend Connor came into my life. Even before we got together he was the #1 person who made me feel normal like my trauma didn't make me who I am even though sometimes I feel like without my trauma maybe I'd be different. Maybe I wouldn't be into cousin x cousin or be so hypersexual. I just want to be normal. I've tried to forgive my cousin for what he did to me and forget about it but I just can't. I can't just let it go knowing he did it to another cousin, his own sister, his wifes friends cousin, and his moms ex-friends son and yet he's still living his life free. 

I remember an episode of the crime show Rizzoli & Isle where this woman went on to kill 2 of the 3 people who raped her younger sister who commited suicide and Rizzoli mentioned that statue of limitation was 5 years after her 16th birthday and she wasn't 16...I wish that rule for both males and females, if it's a real rule, existed in every state. I wish it existed in every part of the world because then maybe just maybe the world could be different? I don't know if anyone knows the show I'm talking about but yeah. So...there's my first post in this subcomminity and I hope I can find someone to talk to who understands the fear and trauma and all given by someone through SA at any age.

P.S., 

I'm always down to talk about whatever and I'm a good listener when it comes to peoples trauma.