I'm really struggling to see anything worth carrying on for. Need some words of kindness and support

I'm 38, turning 39 in August, and have been unhappy for a long time. I've struggled with depression since 14 and anxiety since early childhood due to early life trauma.

I enjoyed primary school but hated my all-girls Catholic secondary school, where I had no real friends. At university, I engaged in self-destructive behavior, leading to a 2.2 degree and a breakdown after being dumped by my boyfriend. I later pursued a master's degree but couldn't complete my thesis due to another breakdown.

After the credit crunch, I faced unemployment and abusive work conditions. I eventually found a job in finance and met my partner, which was good for about three years. However, the relationship became controlling and abusive. Meanwhile, a toxic work environment led to another breakdown.

I quit without a job, relying on my partner's support. I then found a lower-paying job I liked, but it involved severe bullying. Despite that, I met a wonderful mentor and a supportive colleague I developed a crush on. Confessing my feelings to her complicated things, especially when COVID hit, leading to the end of my relationship. My mother's cancer diagnosis and subsequent death in 2021 added to my struggles.

My colleague distanced herself after I overwhelmed her with my problems, leaving me feeling ashamed and rejected. I got a new job in the same company, but it's stressful and I feel like I've wasted my career. 

In March 2023, I bought my own house but haven't moved in, fearing leaving my now-reformed partner. I've gained weight and feel unhealthy, adding to my distress.

Now, approaching 40, I feel my life has been a series of unfortunate events. Any constructive advice or kindness would be appreciated.