Minor...Major Idk..
Just recently, I was messaging a friend of mine, there is history there because we used to date for 5 years. He really traumatized me with a lot of things some of them too vulgar to be named. However, he made a joke and I felt like it was one of those trapping moments like he used to do, because he got upset with me when I chose to keep the boundaries I made for myself an refused to answer it instead of diving into a past that was unkind in my mind and that i would have to relive. Now I wont sit here and say I was perfect, I wasn't I had my moments too. However, the way he treated me, he had zero right to do so. Well he got mad at me because i had a minor regression ( which happens) and he immediately went off saying something out of left field. Am I in the wrong for not wanting to answer something that causes me flashbacks and ptsd? Am I in the wrong for not wanting to engage in a conversation like that because of the way he would act in the past? My heads slightly foggy right now because I feel like I was given whiplash..
@PhoenixButterfly97 I don't think you're in the wrong at all. If he was a true friend he wouldn't want you to return to something that would cause you flashbacks or sets off your PTSD. And if he acted poorly in the past it makes perfect sense to me that you wouldn't want to engage in a conversation where he would probably do the same thing.
@mytwistedsoul I appreciate your opinion this, because I asked myself I should feel bad on it especially for putting myself self first. I am recovering people-pleaser 😅
@PhoenixButterfly97 Tbh I'm a people pleaser too. I know I would be second and third guessing myself on whether I made the right decision. It's too easy to fall back onto that especially if it's someone we care about. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with putting yourself first 🙂
@PhoenixButterfly97
Hey, Phoenix- Talking to exes as be so difficult, especially those with whom you shared a long relationship. The depth and intensity of each others' feelings can be hard to judge, even if you're now friends. I think you absolutely did the right thing by refusing to engage in something that you knew would set off flashbacks. It's great that you recognized his patterns and stated your boundaries. I know it can be so difficult having a negative moment with a friend, but you are the most important.
@Gilbird
*can be so difficult
@Gilbird Thank you for this, I do know and recognize that it can be, and I do know and recognize that the emotions behind can be rather intense. Just sometimes he can be alittle abrasive when he doesn't get what he wants so I always fear that he will act the same way as before
@PhoenixButterfly97
That makes sense. I'm glad you are listening to your intuition and upholding your boundaries to protect yourself. I used to have a habit of getting cold with my partner when I felt misunderstood. This massively triggered him since he grew up with a family that had a history of giving him the "silent treatment".
If your ex still wants to be your friend, I'm sure he will adjust his responses so that he can make you feel comfortable. You are doing great! And I'm glad it was somewhat helpful.
@Gilbird Ironic how you that because my daughter's bio was the same with "silent treatment" however he also did nothing to improve himself either and I had to deal with alot of his rude and crass behavior while pregnant, however he is no longer in mine or my daughters life but thats a different story
The silent treatment really is a form of emotional manipulation. I’m so glad to hear that he’s no longer in your or your daughter’s life.
