My deepest secret (TW Child SA trauma)
I want to share something that happened when I wasI want to share something that happened when I was really young but I feel really much shame about adding early age I was exposed to sexual stuff and I remember even trying to play house and pretend to have sex with this kid when my mom would take care of him and kind of babysat the kid would die and we were like maybe four years old and an hour pretend to make out with him and get happy and moan and stuff like that eventually I got older and then I started making my little brother do the same thing with this other girl along with my sister louboutin and little brother to get an attempt with this little girl and make them kiss and have that like same interaction of pretending to have sex and kissing and all of that I feel extremely guilt and shame I also there was this one time when I was younger and then my other little brother my youngest out of curiosity have been as well as I tracked I have been trying to erase this memory from my mind and I am very shameful but I remember trying to play with my youngest little brother's private part and try to see how it worked and all of that stuff at night he'll disgusted I was molested too when I was younger and I feel like I did the same thing to my little baby brother when he was really young.... Now I am a mom and I feel utterly disgusted and shameful with myself. As an adult it has stopped me from even wanting to have sex with my own husband....
@LovingOwl33
I'm sorry you've been carrying this burden for so long. It's very common for children to experiment with each other. Instinctual drive to explore each other's anatomy is built into human DNA, and has nothing to do with shame. That doesn't mean everyone does it, but I think it may be more likely to happen if parents don't recognize the early signs of curiosity.
Doing things like that can't be "wrong," if a child has never received guidance or been given understanding. So, in a sense, you've been feeling guilty about being innocent.
If you met another very young child and discovered they had been exploring their physicality with another child, and you knew that neither of them felt they were doing anything wrong, how would you handle it?
I believe you'd treat them with gentle and unconditional compassion, as you helped them to understand that such exploring isn't a good idea. I believe you'd do your best to ensure they had self-love and felt accepted, despite having proven they were understandably curious about how we're made.
I hope you can feel towards yourself as you would that child.