My life struggles as an orphan

My mum birthed me out of wedlock so she abandoned me at a tender age while I was still a toddler while my father is said to have denied have denied the pregnancy so while I was being taken care of by my grandparents after some years before I turned six years they died and life became tough .

I want sent out to live with people at every stage of my life so I can go to school and they maltreated me so much while some of the families I stayed with their husbands assaults me at that tender age of mine and when I finished my secondary school I went back to the village and started fairing for my self buh then last year I decided to move over to the city to get a better a job and a greener pastures and all this years all this while I thought my mother was dead cause she didn’t call nobody saw her even when my grandparents died she didn’t show up so everyone thought she’s dead cause they looked for but no one saw her and just yesterday she called and I heard that she’s been alive all this while and has other kids in another country living her life while am here dejected abandoned unloved cause my uncles and aunts maltreats me like am the cause of their problems at a tender age I carry all my problems on my own no one to call me or ask if I’m okay and since I came to this city I have been struggling like am just tired am working hard but yet it’s looks like I’m not trying nothing is working and my mother doesn’t even bother coming to look for me nor check up on me and now I just clocked 21 years don’t know my mum haven’t seen her before buh she’s somewhere out there living her life while am suffering . I have been played with no one wants me nobody love me like am not wanted in this world am tired I have cried to the extent that my chest hurts when I cry the pain is too much even God doesn’t want me 😭😭