My secret

I live a lie. Only a select few know the real me. I can only relax around those few as I am so scared that someone finds out the real me. I pretend I am this happy, confident go getter but deep down I am broken. 24 years ago I was released from a little under a year of being taken away from my children and family. I did wrong but I was accused of doing things I had not done and so began the fight. After a little under a year I was believed and had an army of legal reps in my corner. I was released and so my fight began. I was told by my parents to suck it up and not speak of it to anyone as it was an embarrasing time in my life. I knew deep down I needed therapy or something to try and deal with what I had been through but I just carried on. I came home to no home - divorce papers and a fight to get custody of my kids. Now 24 years later I still battle with nightmares and sleepless nights because I never dealt with this all those years ago. I have tried talking to someone but always "suck it up". I have no feelings or emotions. I don't get excited when I am supposed to and have to fake being sad if that is what the occasion calls for. I'm hoping that the community of 7cups can help me. I think it is easier for me to open up when I am not face to face with someone.