My story

I have lost two members of my family in a car accident five years ago. One of them was very dear to me — my mother, my loving mom, who cared for me deeply and prioritized everything related to me.

I was left with an abusive, narcissistic father who hates me. He didn’t miss the chance to marry another woman and didn’t even spend a month grieving his loyal wife’s death.

My father refused to support me financially even when I was a child, and I am still struggling today. In my country, jobs are rare, and I am studying in hopes of finding better opportunities, but I receive no support from him.

I have also been verbally abused by him, and he has attempted physical violence as well. I am very tired. I can’t fully escape from him because he partially pays my rent. I used to work night shifts to afford my studies during the day, but my health got very bad, and I had to leave the job.

I am mentally drained. I am not suicidal, but I often wish life would give me the relief of not having to continue struggling. I constantly think about what is coming next. I imagine how difficult it would be to see his face again after our last encounter, when he tried to break a plate on my head.

You might wonder why I am not seeking support. Unfortunately, I don’t have access to that where I live.

I want to completely distance myself from him, but I don’t have the power to do so right now. I try to work, but there are no jobs. I am fighting and I am not giving up on myself, but talking to him or seeing him again feels humiliating, like I am betraying my own wounded soul.

I feel lonely. I have no friends. My siblings are not very supportive because of our religious background. They say that no matter what, he is still our father, and even though they acknowledge the harm he caused, they believe we cannot cut ties with him.

I have many siblings, and I feel that this gives him power. It makes him feel like he can do anything without consequences and act as if nothing happened.

I need advice…