My story- venting tw- CPTSD\ SH

I was extremely abused and bullied throughout school for 8 years. The boys who hurt me were sons of wealthy fathers, and because of that, nobody ever stood up for me. When I finally defended myself and hit back, I was the one punished, while my abusers always got away without consequences. That left me feeling invisible and powerless, and it still hurts deeply today.

Because of all this, I grew up feeling like I don’t deserve love. I constantly question myself and can’t find any self-worth. I never really had a true friend people always used me for emotional support and then left when I needed them. This same pattern repeated in my relationships too. My partners leaned on me for support, but when it came to caring for me, they left.

At home, things weren’t better. Since childhood, my parents have fought with each other constantly, and that added even more pain to what I was already carrying. I’ve always suppressed my emotions and tried to keep myself busy, but now it’s all becoming too much.

Currently, I feel an overwhelming sorrow inside me. I often feel helpless, and sometimes I even struggle with thoughts of self-harm. Writing this is hard, but I needed to let it out somewhere. I just want to be honest about how much I’m hurting and how heavy this trauma has been to live with.