Need for immediate help

I am a highly sensitive person who was born into a dysfunctional family. My father has bipolar disorder and my elder sister has borderline personality disorder. Having faced comparison, emotional neglect, and sexual harassment, I am prone to social anxiety disorder. Heavy noise and bright lights disturb my brain. During the COVID-19 lockdown, I became very depressed and traumatized. I often seek external validation from my loved ones, but it never happens. As a result, I fall into limerence, constantly fantasizing and imagining being loved, which ultimately causes me pain. My family not much supportive. I am 22 year old.

I have explored various spiritual practices, but they often provide only illusion and false hope. I feel completely detached from reality. I used to believe that God would provide for me, but I now realize that it was only faith. This faith has given me more illusions. Now I lost my complete hope..

No doctors nor therapist understands my problem. They just treat me for social anxiety disorder. From my childhood I faced frequent trauma and panic attack. I always suffered from severe headache. Now after healing from the illusion of limerance I get frequent panic attack and vomiting. I can't digest any food. I can't sleep 1 minutes in a day. My weight gradually loses.. I am feeling very lonely. I want to survive.