Trauma

I have experienced trauma of illicit, and I have never healed from it, nor have I ever went in therapy, I am at risk with my own thoughts and find it hard to any activities, I have experienced trauma throughout my whole life, and I am broken in all ways, I find it hard to move on and harder to make my own pathways through trauma or how to deal with reality, I am stuck in my own life and could almost have a mental breakdown. sometimes and I hope I move on from this, but sometimes I find it hard to make my own life decisions. I always console myself with 'it's okay' at all times and yeah it is super encouraging, however I find it hard to live right in my situation, I find it hard to know what to do in my place, I am not sure how far or how not far I should go, I scare by my very thoughts and I know it is hard, I just want it to remain hard just.