Trigger warning(sexual assault)

hey everyone, hope all is well!! I’m using this app after years now as I really feel lost and need some help grasping the gravity of an incident. For context, I dated this one guy for a year or so and we talked for even longer. He’s now a clinically diagnosed sociopath and has ICD. last year around October, when we were dating; we were at a party and I got really drunk. I was wearing a tennis skirt(with shorts attached) and I think I had accidentally bent over or something and he got really angry because I had apparently flashed one of his friends. It was not intentional and I apologised. Sooner or later I got too drunk and went to throw up in the bathroom while him and my bestfriend followed me. My bestfriend got me a cup of water and left while he fed it to me as I was still throwing up. The second I stopped throwing up, he locked the bathroom door behind him and proceeded to take off my clothes. I was really drunk, sick and flat on the bathroom floor. He then proceeded to strip me and degraded me implying that I had slept with someone else and asked questions like “who did you ***, you’re such a wh*re” etc. I was confused and didn’t know what was happening and I can’t recall if I said no or anything. I remember asking what he’s doing. He then proceeded to have s*X with me and he punched me and slapped me while doing so, as well as degrading me verbally. To him it was just “kinky fun” but I understand the difference between fun and when it’s not a joke. I was constantly hitting my head on the wall and the entire time I did not like it. He finished got up left me on the floor undressed and asked me to clean up for myself. My bestfriend came in and took care of me. For the longest time I told myself he was just mad and it was just a bad experience. Deep down I always knew it was wrong I just didn’t know how to accept the fact that I was r*ped by my own boyfriend or if that even happened. I felt like an imposter. He was aggressive in general and there’s been times when we had consensual sex but I would ask him to stop, use a safe word and he still wouldn’t until I cried. I cannot tell if I’m just being over dramatic or if I was a subject to r*pe. It would be very helpful if any of you could speak your perspective. Thank you.