Venting

I have been holding onto all this stuff for way too long. It just feels like I need to get it out somewhere, you know.

Growing up, one of my parents died when I was really little, like a baby, so I never knew them at all. Home was not the kind of place that felt safe or anything. I always felt controlled, and it made me scared to say what I really thought or just be myself. That anxiety stuck with me, and now even when I want to express something, I get this fear of being judged or messing up.

My sibling was mean to me sometimes, emotionally and even physically abusive. And the parent I lived with, they did not really protect me from it, so I learned to keep quiet and handle everything by myself. Over time, that made me feel so alone, even right there in my own house.

When I was younger, there were a few times people harassed me, different ones, but I never told anyone. I was too scared they would not believe me or blame me instead.

Loneliness hits hard these days. I do not have any real friends, and making them at school is always a struggle. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me, like why is it so hard.

I am a teen now, and I am still figuring out how to deal with all this and maybe heal a bit. I do not hate anybody from it, I just want to feel like someone hears me and I am not so alone. It seems kind of messy, this whole thing.