I've been in hospitals for a long time since I was a baby, and now that I haven't been in the emergency room for a while, I've started to miss it. I've had a dream about being in the emergency room yesterday, and the staff were so kind. It made me miss the real experience. I remember when I went one time, the staff were taking my blood and I was listening to Linkin Park and they were like "do you like rock music?" And, that made me smile. There was another seperate appointment, and I was getting a separate blood draw from another nurse and when they said they knew Metallica I was so happy. I miss it, for some reason. I feel insane for it, and I probably am. I probably should get checked. It is half my life, but it feels awkward to miss it, cause it's hard to explain. Frustrating. It's a big load. And I remember that one ER visit at 1 a.m and it was so comforting for some reason, that I'd give anything to go back. I know that teenagers don't like hospitals very much, but I've adapted to it. I've grown into it. It's a mold. And I am missing it now. Before my next appointment, I'm gonna draw something, and give it to my neurosurgeon to thank him. Still can't stop missing it though, even if some people may think hospitals are horrible. I've seriously adapted, and accepted everything. I have went in the emergency room in February recently, though. Sometimes I want to get sicker, too. I have thought about over dosing, banging my head.... and i still don't know if the dream is a sign. I feel so crazy for it, but I don’t know if I am valid. I don't know. I don't know if anyone else is like me.