Hi

Hi, so I'm new here. I was told maybe I should seek help for trauma, even though I feel like my trauma isn't as bad as others.

Tw// death

So my life has been heavily impacted with covid. I was 16 at the time the whole thing started.

I've lost a lot throughout the pandemic. I've lost myself, my friends, my sense of worth, my sparkle, my drive, my motivation. I'm also mentally disabled and I've regressed a lot due to the lack of a support system. All to protect my family, mainly my dad. He has a heart condition and is extremely vulnerable to any seasonal flues. He got a flu in November 2019, and was put into the ICU. Basically the hospital before the pandemic used to be his home. Always in at least every 2 months.

Thats why when we heard about COVID, we know it was coming. We knew the worst would happen, thats why we protected ourselves as much as possible. Hearing about the schools returning was a nightmare. We were so cautious, I had to sanitise my table, sanitised everywhere I went, wash my hands rigorously. And above all, stay away from people.

After the third lockdown, when Alpha and Beta were rampant, I was cautious afterwards. Hearing about Delta sent me into a frenzy. Returning to school I literally hid from everyone. I sat in empty classrooms, moved my locker into a more quite part of the school. I took the emergency stairs to get to class, I waited 10 minutes after the bell to leave for classes, often being late.I talked to no one, also realising that no one really gave two shits for me really. While they were going out partying during restrictions, I cried myself to sleep. I even had my 18th, with no one to invite, no one to hang out with.

Im also in my final exam year (leaving cert), and I have no drive to do anything. Its sorta like "well we're all going to d*e, what's the point?". My classmates think COVID is a joke, they're parting like mad, wear no masks to school, think its just a "cold", and have treated me like the mad conspiracist for saying its a pandemic.

A lot of my family got covid in December, but one of my uncles got really sick. When I was doing my mock exams in February, he died. Everything after that just feels like a blur. Nothing feels real. Covid has taken so much from me, I'm a shell of my former self. I feel broken, and I feel traumatised.

I hope my post isn't coming off as invalidating of other people's traumas. I know other people have gone through so much worse. But someone told me I should seek trauma help so here I am.

Thanks for reading