Welcome Intro

Hi everyone! First I would like to say I am new to this completely!

Just in case - Trigger Warnings: Sexual Abuse/Molestation

I realized within the past year or so that my trauma has been affecting me way more than I thought. I was molested by my grandfather when I was 5, and honestly I can't really remember the number of events that occurred, but I still have a vivid memory of the first one.

I feel that I may have blocked out a large portion of my childhood because of this, and most memories I have before age 10 are the traumatic events. I actually didn't tell anyone about the abuse until about 10 years after it occurred, and only told because my sister reported it as well. It took several years to work through the court system, and that was traumatizing on its own, knowing that people who I have loved and looked up to my entire life would side with a child molester over me.

The largest way the trauma affects me is in my relationships. For years, I have had what seemed to be a sexual dysfunction. My husband is very understanding, and has never tried to make me feel guilty, but I feel so terrible that I barely ever have the desire to be sexual with the one person I love most in the world.