48 years old, but started trying to commit suicide since 6 yrs old

From my first memories my mother beat me every single day. I had horrible bruises, and had to lie about how I got them. She told me daily she wished I was never born. At age thirteen she called me a bit@h whor@ and sl@t. When I was attacked by a dog at a young age 11yrs old my mother dropped me off at the emergency room and left. they could not care for me because I had no adult with me. thankfully the dog did not have rabies. At 15 yrs old I had someone try to kidnap me. I never told anyone, only later seeing his face on tv after having killed a 14 yr old. That left me with guilt. then sixteen while walking to high schoolone early morning I had someone try to drag me into the house,I nearly blacked out. For some reason he let go. at 18 I was raped when I tried to tell a cousin to get help she said it was my fault. it was a first date, date rape. I did not seek help for that. In middle school one day five boys thinking it would be fun took a thick chain and rapped it around my neck and pushed me down laughing as I was going unconcious.My husband blamed me for him shooting off a gun next to my ear, I lost my hearing in that earalso I suffered from the inability to concentrate. could walk straight or talk to anyone. when i think of things that have happened I wonder why do I live.