Could do with some support right now...

I was at group this morning and we were talking about how to change our emotions, using skills like checking the facts, opposite action and problem solving.

They talked extensively about anger, and what it feels like, what it makes you believe and its affects on others.

My dad was usually angry at me and it resulted in him verbally attacking me, that it made me feel like i had done something wrong and then that i was something wrong.
It was misplaced shame and I understand that now, but group today was hard because I felt like he thought something was wrong with me, that I was wrong for this family, that I was wrong for him, but then why did he have sex with me? was I just the better alternative because mum was unresponsive? I don't understand.
He made me feel like I didn't matter, but then I matter to God, I mattered to him before I was even born, thought of, conceived. That I matter...

Just not to the man who raised me.

He is angry at me, he believes I did something wrong, that I've broken the bond of daughter, his view of daughter. His view of daughter isn't right, it's not, it's really not.

It's like at the moment, my heads trying to decide what daughter means, that it's currently taking information from my dad's view, God's view and my view, and i'm trying to shift my thinking into believing more of what God believes and I believe, but that eventually God's and my beliefs will be the same, understanding that my dad's never will be.

His anger against me is unjustified though and I need to understand that, that I did NOTHING to deserve his anger, his shame, his guilt, that's its his fault and not my own and that is so hard to understand and comprehend, but i'll get there because I have shown tenacity for my life, values and beliefs all of my days and i don't want to change that.